JAMBALAYA

Meltdown.

THIS JUST IN: AUSTRALIA SUCKS

Physical or mental?

When we read today's story on the internets, we didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. Actually, that's not true. We did know. We laughed uncontrollably, then tried to think of a way to get rid of Australia, and then cried uncontrollably when we realized it wasn't happening anytime soon.

From the New Zealand Herald:

Aussie man glued to toilet in 'sick' prank

Aug 24, 2009

CAIRNS - Authorities in far north Queensland are outraged after a "sick joke" forced the humiliating rescue of a man who became stuck to the seat of a shopping centre toilet.

Police and community leaders have appealed for public help to find the prankster or pranksters responsible for the incident, which resulted in the 58-year-old man being taken to hospital.

Ambulance officers were called about 10.30am (AEST) on Saturday to rescue the man after he sat on toilet seat which had been smeared with a fast-acting adhesive.

He was forced to undergo the humiliation of leaving the Cairns Central shopping centre with the seat still attached to his behind, in full view of a busy crowd of Saturday morning shoppers.

Police say he was then taken to hospital where staff removed the fixture using industrial strength solvents.

The man is said to be extremely embarrassed by the ordeal.

Cairns City Council community safety committee chair Di Forsyth hit out at the offenders and called for members of the public to help identify them.

"I'm disgusted that a gentlemen has had to go through that because someone thinks it's funny - it's a sick joke," she told AAP.

"I think the community would be outraged and quite rightly so ... it's quite a dangerous prank."

Police are investigating the incident.

Yeah, right. Whatever. You stupid Australians. This is just one little raindrop in the river of your ineptitude. Longer than the Nile, wider than the Amazon, and reeking of manure like the Ganges, is there no limit to Australia's crapulence?

Haven't you learned ANYTHING from Russell Crowe?*

Whatever.

The old 419.

So, a little while ago we blogged about the old 419.


Today, we checked our email and we actually got one:

On Sat, Jun 13, 2009 at 3:17 PM, otu nabo wrote:
I will like you to help me, in the transfer of fund worth
($7.5Million) into your account, we have to share it 70%
to 30% and i believe that you can not cheat me after the
transfer, i will send you more detail about this transfer as
soon as i hear from you. pls reply at:otuu1@voila.fr

How much of an idiot would you have to be to believe this junk? People must believe it, if they've been sending emails for years and they're still doing it now... Why don't we get a real detective working on this case and take care of it once and for all.

* We are not actually sure if Russell Crowe is Australian or not. He may be.

I Smell Varmit Poon Tang

Watch out for the 'coons.

He Gone

"You're welcome, America!"

Come on, admit it - there's a little part of you, somewheres deep inside, that's sad to see Dubya leave...

It's A Trap

How dumb can you be?

When we first read the story of Janella Spears, a 60-year-old woman from a small town in Oregon, we laughed out loud. And we still laugh to this day.

From our favorite newspaper:

An American woman has revealed how she was swindled out of $400,000 (£269,000) by Nigerian internet fraudsters, in what is believed to be one of the biggest cases of its kind ever recorded.

Janella Spears, a registered nurse from Sweet Home, Oregon, said she started sending money to the scammers in 2005 after she received an email promising her several million dollars from a long-lost relative. In what is commonly known as a 419 scam - named after a section of the Nigerian criminal code - the fraudsters randomly contacted Spears over the internet, claiming they would offer her a substantial cut of $20.5m fortune in return for the cash injection which would help move it out of the country.

Despite advice from bank officials, police and even the FBI that the scheme was a ruse, Spears said she continued to send cash in the hope of a large pay-off. Even fake emails claiming to be from the President of Nigeria and US president George Bush could not dissuade her.

In the end she became obsessed and sent the fraudsters more than $400,000, which she raised by remortgaging her home and spending her husband's retirement savings.

Seems pretty dumb, right?

Well, it is pretty dumb. We understand that the fraudsters knew her grandfather's name, occupation, and some history. But to blow your house, car, and husband's retirement on a Nigerian fraud ring is pretty outrageous, especially considering a few key points of information:

1) Repeated warnings from her bank and the FBI that this was a scam

2) The fraudsters sent her letters which they claimed were written by George W Bush and the director of the FBI

3) The letters contained many suspicious grammatical and spelling mistakes

4) All email addresses used by the fraudsters were from public-domain websites (like yahoo)

We feel sorry for her, but this lady is pretty dumb. She got fooled by one of the oldest internet scams out there, and she missed a hell of a lot of signs which told her that this scam stunk. Almost all of us have received one of these scam emails before, and they all look the same: Strange names, even stranger events, suspicious email addresses, spelling mistakes.

A lot of red flags and warning signs.

So why did this lady go through with it? Quite simply put, Janella Spears allowed herself to be scammed because she so desparately wanted the news to be true. She wanted the money so bad that she would do anything to get it - including wasting away her hard-earned worth.

The wikipedia article, aside from being an interesting read, also provides some scary facts. She is lucky to have not ended up worse:

Victims are almost always requested to travel to Nigeria or a border country to complete a transaction. Individuals are often told that a visa will not be necessary to enter the country. The Nigerian con artists may then bribe airport officials to pass the victims through Immigration and Customs. Because it is a serious offence in Nigeria to enter without a valid visa, the victim's illegal entry may be used by the fraudsters as leverage to coerce the victims into releasing funds. Violence and threats of physical harm may be employed to further pressure victims.

Where the magic happens...

According to the US State Department, 15 foreigners have been murdered as a result of this type of scam in Nigeria over the past 3 years - that's one person evey two months. This scam has become so bad that the State Department has said "Nigerian organized crime rings running fraud schemes through the mail and phone lines are now so large, they represent a serious financial threat to the country.” Moreover, the State Department claims that these financial fraud schemes are implicitly tied to the illegal drug trade, saying that approximately 35% of the world's heroin trade is controlled by Nigerian gangsters, possibly the same ones who bribed Mrs. Spears.

So, while we continue to laugh at the quite unintelligent Mrs. Spears, we are also quite happy that she never actually travelled to Nigeria in pursuit of the money. She could have ended up in big big trouble, and nobody would've wanted that.

Today's Animal News

Equality.

When we read this story from today's news, we were shocked, disturbed, outraged, shocked and disturbed. We have not seen this kind of blatant chicken prejudice since the days of Oscar De La Pollo. With Barry Obama being elected, we thought that racism and hatred would be wiped away. But no - we now have before us irrefutable proof that the world is just as bigoted today as it was when Dr. Martin Luther King Jr was shot on that balcony in Memphis. But can't we take Dr. King's poignant words, professing the equality of all men, and apply them to chicken equality as well? Well, we here at HPO have had enough of this hen hatred, this poultry prejudice, this rooster racism, these Uncle Tom Turkeys!

Read for yourselves:

Ill. police take aggressive rooster into custody
BENTON, Ill. (AP) — A rooster played chicken in the wrong town. That's the word from the downstate community of Benton, where police took a rooster into custody after it allegedly confronted a woman and her child. Police Chief Mike O'Neill said the rooster has been bothering people lately, trying to keep them from getting where they want to go.
O'Neill said officers had enough on Monday and took the rooster into custody after what he described as a brief scuffle.
Nobody was injured and the rooster was thrown in an enclosed area near the police department. There, it lived on chicken feed and water until police located the owner.
Chickens aren't allowed to live in Benton and the rooster was turned over to the owner only after he promised to find it a new home in the country.

Oh, the horror! First of all, how is it even possible for a rooster to "confront" a woman and child? Was he armed? Did he want money, or simply bread crumbs? Secondly, how did police officers (plural) have a "brief scuffle" with a rooster? Was this a rooster that was trained in hand-to-beak combat? Did the rooster outweigh the cops by a couple hundred pounds? Why were multiple officers required? Why was there even a scuffle, for God's sake? This sounds suspiciously similar to the Rodney King incident back in 1991.

Hidden-camera photo of the horrid conditions in Benton Federal "Hen-itentiary."

Equally disturbing is the sentence "Chickens aren't allowed to live in Benton." That's just charming. Police law banning chickens from their town? Sounds like fascism to us!!! You know, it's funny that Benton Police claim that chickens aren't allowed in their town - because a quick internet search revealed no less than three chicken restaurants in Benton, Illinois! The proof is in the pudding.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Benton. We hear you loud and clear: If it's fajitas or hot wings, bring on the poultry. But if it's a "troublesome" rooster, you run it out of town. Well, we sincerely hope you enjoy your communism, you degenerate low-life scumbags. Next time we drive through your crap-water, one-horse, po-dunk ghost town, we will not stop and say hello. We are ashamed. The King must be rolling over in his over-sized grave.

Watch out for them foxes.

Our next animal story is downright disturbing. The headline reads "Jogger runs mile with rabid fox locked on her arm."

The headline is disturbing enough, but if you read the details of what happened, it gets worse:

The jogger, a Chino Valley resident, told the Animal Control Officer she was attacked while running a trail around 4:45 P.M. at the base of Granite Mountain. She was about a mile into her run, when she came upon a fox in a clearing adjacent to the trail. The fox did not initially appear aggressive, but as she backed away, he attacked by lunging at her feet. He bit her foot and then started towards her knee, at which time she grabbed him by the neck in an attempt to pull him away. When she did this, the fox bit into her arm and would not release his bite even as she tried to choke him. Assuming the fox was rabid and understanding that containing the animal for testing would be essential, she ran back towards car with the fox still maintaining a bite in her arm. Once at her car, she was able to pull the fox's jaw open, release his grip on her arm, and wrap the fox tightly in a sweatshirt she had been wearing. She threw the fox into the trunk of her car and drove quickly to Yavapai Regional Medical Center.

That's some scary shit right there. A pissed-off squirrel is scary enough, let alone a whoremongering fox from hell, blood-crazed and bent on revenge. Have scary stories taught us nothing? Why do you women continue jogging in the woods alone?

Whatever. This is one of the highest-rated youtube video clips of all time:

Amazing Grace

A clean sweep.

It is official: Barack "and roll" Obama "lama-ding-dong", also known as 'Barry', is the next president of the United States of America.

His victory speech, given in front of a massive crowd in Chicago's Grant Park (which also happens to be the best park in the world), brought people together: Mothers cried for sons who fell in the dust of Iraq, families cried for an end to eight years of struggle, Jesse Jackson cried because Barry finally succeeded at the very task at which he failed, and a nation rejoiced in restored faith in a dying ideal.

The end is the beginning.

In his victory speech, Barry asks if anyone out there still doubts the system. It is a valid question. It is valid because up until yesterday, everyone had their doubts. What kind of normal person would not have had doubts, given what happened back in 2000? America was waiting for the next Katherine Harris to come along and steal the election for the Republicans.

We shan't be blaming them for doubting. But we shall be thanking them for coming out and voting - nobody expected this kind of a turnout, so it is safe to say that the spark has been lit.

Red vs blue.

They came out and they voted. Nobody is suprised that the South voted McCain, and that New England voted Obama. Alaska, Hawaii, West Coast - according to plan. But because of states like Indiana, Iowa, Ohio, and Pennsylvania, the Republicans lost key electoral votes and the Democrats managed to sweep the Great Lakes/Big Ten area. Florida, notorious for the aforementioned clusterfuck back in 2000, proved momentarily contentious.

A statement was made, loudly and proudly. But, although the campaign has ended, the fight is just beginning. If the whole election was a hurdle for Barry Obama, then the next four years will be the remainder of the marathon. It certainly won't be getting any easier.

Have Another One

That's some nice drinkin.

When we read the news today, we found one story that totally violated all laws of common sense and normal thinking. It just doesn't seem like a good idea.

But when we read this next story, we were truly shocked. Apparently, a "normal Australian family" (no need to explain why that one is in quotation marks) was served gelato with human feces in it at a well-known Australian pub. Allegedly, the family was given the gelato after repeatedly asking the staff at the pub to turn down the volume.

Jessica Whyte, the woman whose ice cream was pooed in, described the situation:

Later, this huge bowl of ice-cream arrived at our table as a 'sorry for all the hassle'.There were four scoops including vanilla, chocolate and hazelnut. At the bottom, there appeared to be chocolate. Greedily, I went for it ahead of the kids. Thank heavens I did. The stench, the taste … I spat the food into a napkin and immediately I was sick. There was no doubting what it was. The whole family became hysterical. My poor son screamed at one of their staff: 'You made my mum eat poo.'

Her husband, Stephen, was later approached by the restaurant owner and offered $5000 to keep quiet. His reply: "I think you're missing the point here. My wife and children sat down in your pub and were served a bowl of free ice-cream containing faeces."

While this is yet another shining example of the sparkling class and unquestionable dignity that has long been the trademark of traditional Australian culture, it also reminds us of the gay anthem"Gelato Cioccolato":

Gary Busey Is Nuts

Have you taken your pills, Mr. Busey?

The "...Is Nuts" series has long been a fan favorite here at HPO. This is a recurring theme in which we portray the darker sides of Hollywood celebrities in an effort to bring the unblinking eye of the public spotlight on their borderline insanity (sometimes, it ain't very borderline at all). In the past, we brought you Steven Seagal, Russel Crowe, James Brown, and Tom Cruise. We now bring you Gary Busey.

So, dear readers, once again, here we go.

Exhibit A: Gary Busey suffered severe and permanent brain damage from a motorcycle accident in 1988. Busey, who was not wearing a helmet, "underwent two hours of neurosurgery" following the one-vehicle incident. His wife, who had been with Busey since before their son was born 19 years prior, divorces Busey in 1990. His loving wife, his faithful companion for the better part of a quarter of a century, divorces him within 2 years of his motorcycle accident...

Exhibit B: According to our favorite newspaper (and according to Busey himself), the rock-bottom Gary Busey moment is when he dropped several bags of cocaine on the floor and his dog began rolling around in the shit. Busey, not missing a step, was quick to react, and describes the situation first hand:

And I went in like a crop-duster, with my nose flying first and snorted the cocaine off the dog... Back, butt, side. Not a spot was left. It took me 25 minutes to snort all the cocaine the dog had on her coat. The fringe benefits of this were that the fleas, the dog hair, the mud, and the sweat went in my nose, too. It's not a good flavour coming off the dog.

That's right, everyone, you heard it here first: Gary Busey snorted cocaine off his dog.

Exhibit C: "Tell 'em you're from Tennessee!"

Give us a kiss.

Exhibit D: Gary Busey, pictured above kissing a monkey, eats in the dark. He says he enjoys eating in the dark because it's adventurous: "That's what's so great about eating in the dark. Yeah, I eat a lot. I eat in the dark, I don't know what I'm eating... Exciting. An adventure. A journey. Yeah, life is an adventure. It's a celebration of honoring the truth of yourself."

Why on earth would anybody ever eat in the dark?

Exhibit E: Gary Busey flips out while being interviewed by an eleven year old girl. We would like to highlight the fact that this poor girl is just 11 years old for the love of God:

Apparently, the eleven year old girl didn't take lessons on the proper way of interviewing Gary Busey... Which leads us to Exhibit F!

Exhibit F: How to properly interview Gary Busey.


Exhibit G: Busey is, in a very general sense, deeply psychotic. His perception of reality is very skewed and off-kilter. We could literally go on for years and years discussing this, but that would be a huge waste of time and we don't know if that's such a good idea. Let us put it this way: We are very comfortably saying, without a hint of exaggeration or hyperbole whatsoever, that Gary Busey is by far the craziest and most psychotic individual in the entire history of the whole human race.

Hello, my name is disturbance.

So, while we are perfectly aware that this post has gotten pretty video-heavy, we can't help it. We were scanning the internets for something that would properly represent the essence, the soul, of Gary Busey.

And we think we may have found it.

This clip, entitled "Deep Inside the Mind of Busey", is deep. Very deep. So get ready, because here it comes.

Exhibit H: Deep Inside the Mind of Busey

Conclusion: Gary Busey is, in fact, completely insane.

Eight Years Gone

You'll have that.

The world ain't exactly lookin' too hot these days. Lots of problems. Tons of them. So just how much has it changed over the past 8 years? Well, for one, Bushy looks a lot older. We think he may be a bit stressed out.

Let's do a little comparison, shall we?

8 years ago (we all remember this):

Today's version:

Shame On You, Boston

You people oughta be ashamed of yourselves.

Boston broke a new record in futility the other night, and we must say that we are genuinely shocked. If it had been a greyhound or a bull mastiff or something, we would have got it.

But a toy poodle?

Runaway poodle delays flights at Boston airport
BOSTON (AP) — Choochy the poodle is a "runway runaway."
Boston's Logan International Airport officials say Choochy escaped from her kennel as she was being unloaded after a flight from Detroit Saturday night and scampered across runways and taxiways.
Airport spokesman Phil Orlandella says the poodle evaded airport personnel for more than 17 hours and delayed at least eight flights.
About 15 state police, firefighters, operations personnel and even electricians chased Choochy late into the night, delaying flights for up 30 minutes.
Orlandella says the poodle was frightened, tired and hungry when she was finally lured to safety with food early Sunday afternoon.
The dog was treated for minor injuries at an animal hospital and returned to her family.

Those 15 firefighters and policemen and electricians... we have a few ideas about what to do with them.

Obadass

Hello Washington.

Obama's speech was good, but it wasn't the best speech we ever heard.

Shotgun Blast To Abdomen Just Pisses McCain Off Even More

John McCain is a maverick.

Everybody knows John McCain is a maverick. But what you may not know is that John McCain is also a crappy pilot, accused of losing five Navy aircraft:

1960 - McCain crashes his plane into Corpus Christi Bay while practicing landings - he claims the engine quit on him. An investigation reveals no evidence of engine failure.

1961 - McCain admits to "clowning around" in his plane over Spain, crashing into power lines causing a blackout which left Spaniards without electricity.

1964 - McCain crashes a Navy training plane while flying solo on his way to a college football game in Philadelphia.

1967 - McCain's plane is destroyed in an explosion on the deck of an aircraft carrier.

1967 - McCain's plane is shot down over Hanoi; he is captured.

Let's consult with the experts:

Three mishaps are unusual," said Michael L. Barr, a former Air Force pilot with 137 combat missions in Vietnam and an internationally known aviation safety expert who teaches in USC's Aviation Safety and Security Program. "After the third accident, you would say: Is there a trend here in terms of his flying skills and his judgment?"

Jeremiah Pearson, a Navy officer who flew 400 missions over Vietnam without a mishap and later became the head of human spaceflight at NASA, said: "That's a lot. You don't want any. Maybe he was just unlucky."

"Unlucky"? That's a bit of a stretch, isn't it, Jeremiah?!?

If McCain was a raging bull as a pilot, as a debater he can only be referred to as a deer in the headlights:

And if McCain is a deer, that makes Sarah Palin a big lumbering dinosaur who seems to think that the great state of New Hampshire is located in the Northwest. God help us if these people get elected.

Britney Spears Attractive?

Not too bad.

Contrary to all common sense, logical thought, and academic reasoning, Britney Spears came out with a new video in which she actually looks decent. While this may shock the general public, we here at HPO have always thought that sooner or later Britney would be back to her pickle-tickling ways.

Her career has been a tumultuous roller-coaster ride, filled with dizzying highs and devastating lows. She looked like a million bucks on stage with Michael Jackson, then looked like a soccer hooligan named Terry, then went tongues-in with Madonna in front of a shocked crowd, and then even looked like a slightly-confused sea lion.

But now, she actually looks pretty damn good in her new video:

Suck

Line 'em up.

John McCain's is not very good at debating, but I think we all agree that his debate strategy was better than Sarah Palin's debate strategy. Aside from his idiotic remarks in Nashville, McCain has been making many other faux-pas along the way:

Have You Forgotten How Good Palin Tastes?

Boy, these things sure are fast!

Sarah Palin week continues here at HPO, and man are we excited about it. She is just so intelligent, charismatic, well-travelled, worldly, classy, and dignified. Wait a minute, that's incorrect - we meant the opposite. The exact opposite. What we meant was that she is completely incompetent and she wouldn't know class if it came up and bit her in the ass.

But man, could she play some basketball!

Palin demostrates the three-man weave.

Aside from her mad hooping skills on the court, Palin is also a hell of an outdoorsman. Equally at home casting a dry fly into a sparkling-clean northern stream for rising salmon under the violet skies of a glorious Alaskan sunrise, or gracefully shooting timberwolves from the comfort of her very own helicopter, Palin never met an animal she couldn't kill. Look out, bull moose everywhere, because Sarah Palin is out there and she smells blood!

Per-doo was killin' Mich'gin err-lee on!

Sarah Palin Is Busy, Logical

Moose: It's what's for dinner.

Following the sane, logical, button-down theme of this election, it is now rumored that Governor Palin will be appearing on Saturday Night Live to get back at Tina Fey for her spot-on portrayal of the Governor during last week's show:

Some key McCain staffers are content with Palin joking about the "SNL" routines on the campaign trail -- as when she scribbled "I'm not Tina Fey" on a supporter's cell phone and said she'd dressed as Fey on Halloween. But others -- including the governor herself -- think a return punch on the NBC airwaves is what's needed.

Now, we never claimed to be political experts, but common sense is telling us that at such a critical moment in the election, taking a week of your time to prepare for an appearance on a sketch comedy show maybe a bit of a stretch. Now, we all know that SNL has had its side-splitting moments, so a potential Palin appearance does have its upside. On the other hand, it's not like we haven't seen Palin making an ass out of herself on live network TV before.

All this is pretty scary. We can remember the good old days, before the Vice Presidential candidates were announced. The Republican party was bashing Obama, saying that his pick for VP was invariably going to be someone from one of the swing states. The Republicans claimed Obama would pick his running mate to win votes, not for the good of the country. The Republicans claimed that Obama would pick his VP for political reasons.

The irony here is shockingly disturbing.

Oburgers.

After predicting Obama would select his running mate for political reasons, McCain then selects Sarah Palin as his running mate! Palin, a woman he had never met before in his life, is the most political pick he could have made. Ask yourself: "Did McCain pick Sarah Palin because she will make good decisions if elected, or did he pick her to win votes?"

To put things into perspective, look at Obama's running mate (Joseph "Joe" Biden), and ask yourself the same question. Obama, who has been criticized for lacking experience and foreign policy knowledge, picked Biden because he is experienced and very knowledgable about foreign policy. Biden is from Delaware, a state which doesn't really matter on election day.

Where's the politics in that?

There are a whole lot of things which don't really make sense in this election.

You Betcha!

This Is a Joke, Right?

"Nice to meet you. Hey, can I call you Joe?"

If the American public elects McCain and Palin, we here at HPO seriously think it's gonna be high time we all head to Canada. Seriously, after watching this brunette bimbo babble brainlessly for the better part of two hours, we needed a bottle of Ripple and a pack of Marlboro Reds to bring us back to reality.

Even more disturbing than the fact that she believes that global warming is not caused by man, even more disturbing than the fact that her answer to calls for free public health care is a $500 tax credit, even more disturbing than the fact that she knows absolutely nothing about the world ouside of Alaska, is the fact that somehow, someway, this floozy was asked to be John McCain's running mate.

McCain sure as shit didn't pick her - he hadn't even met her before! But somehow, she made it this far, and if there are enough idiot americans out there that are willing to vote for her because they buy into her "you betcha" bullshit, the US and A are in some serious trouble.

Palin winks during the debate.

Seriously, who winks at the camera during the vice presidential debate? Is it a big joke? Is she hitting on the cameraman? It's a little bit insulting, really, to think that this kinda crap is acceptable to the American public.

Joe Biden was not much better, but at least he "kept it in his pants" and didn't resort to winking at the camera. He completely fell apart when inaccurately discussing the Middle East, his supposed strong suit. Had Palin any international knowledge whatsoever, she might have called him out on it. But no, she grinned, and took it, and even hit the sob-story button when wistfully proposing that the American embassy in Israel be moved to Jerusalem.

Hey, Palin... Listen up: If you had ever been to Israel before, you would know that Jerusalem is a dangerous place, right on the border with the Palestinians. The American embassy seems perfectly safe and secure right where it is now, on a busy Tel Aviv avenue, facing the white beaches which line the sparkling Mediterranean, miles away from the nearest security fence or West Bank checkpoint. Maybe if you bothered doing your homework, you would know these things.

OK, so here are some Sarah Palin quotes from the debate (NOTE: All quotes are REAL, and appear EXACTLY as Palin said them):

"Nice to meet you. Hey, can I call you Joe?"

"One thing that Americans do, at this time, also, though, is let's commit ourselves, just, everyday American people, Joe Six-pack, Hockey Moms across the nation, I think we need to band together and say 'Never Again.'"

"Straight up"

"Uh, that is not so, but, because that's just a quick answer - I wanna talk about, again, uh, my... record on... energy, versus, your ticket's energy... ticket, also, uh."

"Certainly, accounting for different conditions in that different country and conditions are certainly different."

"Barack Obama had 94 opportunities to side on the people's side."

"But, here again, there have there have been so many changes, in the.. conditions of our economy, in just.. even these past weeks, says there has been more and more revelation made aware now to americans about the corruption and the greed on wall street."

"It is a crisis - it's a toxic mess on main street that's affecting wall street."

"I'm not one to attribute every man, uh, activity of man to the changes in the climate there is something to be said also, for man's activities but also for the cyclical temperature changes on our planet. But there are real changes goin' on in our climate. But I don't wanna argue about the causes."

"Barack Obama and Senator Obiden (sic) you have said no to everything"

"With tiny footprints, even on land, it is safe to drill"

"And heaven forbid, yes, that that would ever happen, um, no matter how this ends up, that that would EVER happen, with either party, um, as for disagreeing with John McCain, and how our administration would work, whaddya expect, a team of mavericks."

Palin Is Honest, Smart

Yee-haw!

Sarah Palin, apparently, lied about some of the things she claimed in her RNC speech. Yes, yes - we know. It's hard to believe that any politician, especially one as wholesome, well-respected, and intelligent as Palin, would ever tell a lie, but the proof is in the pudding:

It's gotten so bad that political expert Matt Damon has chipped in his two cents:

If you doubt Matt Damon's political resume (or that of his butt-buddy Affleck), this should alleviate all doubts: