James Brown is Nuts
We brought you Tom Cruise, Steven Seagal, and even Charlie Sheen. Now, for your entertainment pleasure, we document the hootin', hollerin', shotgun-toting, narcotics-inhaling whirlwind that is known as the Godfather of Soul. James Brown, the man who invented the moonwalk and is known to have sweated away up to 7 pounds per performance, is completely insane.
Exhibit A: Back in January of 2004, James was sued by one of his former employees for a rape that allegedly occured over 17 years ago. Lowering the bar for perverts, degenerates, and tramps everywhere, Brown purportedly raped this woman in the back of his van at shotgun-point, over on the side of a South Carolina highway. The part of the story that we love the most is his manager's comment: "This is just absurd and does not warrant any comment."
That's exactly what we were thinking.
By the way, his manager's first name is "SuperFrank."
Exhibit B: Our friends at TSG found this, a full-page divorce announcement that a coked-up James Brown ran in Variety magazine. The flagrant abuse of English grammar and punctuation in Mr. Brown's announcement almost overshadows the look of extremely sweaty constipation on James's face.
Exhibit C: Probably the most famous of Mr. Brown's meltdowns. He kicked the door in on an insurance salesmen's meeting, hopped-up on angel dust and toting a 12-gauge. Why did he kick the door in on this business meeting dressed in his bathrobe and slippers? Why, of course, because James was trying to figure out who had used his private toilet earlier.
Following this completly logical progression of events, drug-crazed James then took the police on a 12-mile high speed chase across state lines.