It's A Trap

How dumb can you be?

When we first read the story of Janella Spears, a 60-year-old woman from a small town in Oregon, we laughed out loud. And we still laugh to this day.

From our favorite newspaper:

An American woman has revealed how she was swindled out of $400,000 (£269,000) by Nigerian internet fraudsters, in what is believed to be one of the biggest cases of its kind ever recorded.

Janella Spears, a registered nurse from Sweet Home, Oregon, said she started sending money to the scammers in 2005 after she received an email promising her several million dollars from a long-lost relative. In what is commonly known as a 419 scam - named after a section of the Nigerian criminal code - the fraudsters randomly contacted Spears over the internet, claiming they would offer her a substantial cut of $20.5m fortune in return for the cash injection which would help move it out of the country.

Despite advice from bank officials, police and even the FBI that the scheme was a ruse, Spears said she continued to send cash in the hope of a large pay-off. Even fake emails claiming to be from the President of Nigeria and US president George Bush could not dissuade her.

In the end she became obsessed and sent the fraudsters more than $400,000, which she raised by remortgaging her home and spending her husband's retirement savings.

Seems pretty dumb, right?

Well, it is pretty dumb. We understand that the fraudsters knew her grandfather's name, occupation, and some history. But to blow your house, car, and husband's retirement on a Nigerian fraud ring is pretty outrageous, especially considering a few key points of information:

1) Repeated warnings from her bank and the FBI that this was a scam

2) The fraudsters sent her letters which they claimed were written by George W Bush and the director of the FBI

3) The letters contained many suspicious grammatical and spelling mistakes

4) All email addresses used by the fraudsters were from public-domain websites (like yahoo)

We feel sorry for her, but this lady is pretty dumb. She got fooled by one of the oldest internet scams out there, and she missed a hell of a lot of signs which told her that this scam stunk. Almost all of us have received one of these scam emails before, and they all look the same: Strange names, even stranger events, suspicious email addresses, spelling mistakes.

A lot of red flags and warning signs.

So why did this lady go through with it? Quite simply put, Janella Spears allowed herself to be scammed because she so desparately wanted the news to be true. She wanted the money so bad that she would do anything to get it - including wasting away her hard-earned worth.

The wikipedia article, aside from being an interesting read, also provides some scary facts. She is lucky to have not ended up worse:

Victims are almost always requested to travel to Nigeria or a border country to complete a transaction. Individuals are often told that a visa will not be necessary to enter the country. The Nigerian con artists may then bribe airport officials to pass the victims through Immigration and Customs. Because it is a serious offence in Nigeria to enter without a valid visa, the victim's illegal entry may be used by the fraudsters as leverage to coerce the victims into releasing funds. Violence and threats of physical harm may be employed to further pressure victims.

Where the magic happens...

According to the US State Department, 15 foreigners have been murdered as a result of this type of scam in Nigeria over the past 3 years - that's one person evey two months. This scam has become so bad that the State Department has said "Nigerian organized crime rings running fraud schemes through the mail and phone lines are now so large, they represent a serious financial threat to the country.” Moreover, the State Department claims that these financial fraud schemes are implicitly tied to the illegal drug trade, saying that approximately 35% of the world's heroin trade is controlled by Nigerian gangsters, possibly the same ones who bribed Mrs. Spears.

So, while we continue to laugh at the quite unintelligent Mrs. Spears, we are also quite happy that she never actually travelled to Nigeria in pursuit of the money. She could have ended up in big big trouble, and nobody would've wanted that.

Today's Animal News

Equality.

When we read this story from today's news, we were shocked, disturbed, outraged, shocked and disturbed. We have not seen this kind of blatant chicken prejudice since the days of Oscar De La Pollo. With Barry Obama being elected, we thought that racism and hatred would be wiped away. But no - we now have before us irrefutable proof that the world is just as bigoted today as it was when Dr. Martin Luther King Jr was shot on that balcony in Memphis. But can't we take Dr. King's poignant words, professing the equality of all men, and apply them to chicken equality as well? Well, we here at HPO have had enough of this hen hatred, this poultry prejudice, this rooster racism, these Uncle Tom Turkeys!

Read for yourselves:

Ill. police take aggressive rooster into custody
BENTON, Ill. (AP) — A rooster played chicken in the wrong town. That's the word from the downstate community of Benton, where police took a rooster into custody after it allegedly confronted a woman and her child. Police Chief Mike O'Neill said the rooster has been bothering people lately, trying to keep them from getting where they want to go.
O'Neill said officers had enough on Monday and took the rooster into custody after what he described as a brief scuffle.
Nobody was injured and the rooster was thrown in an enclosed area near the police department. There, it lived on chicken feed and water until police located the owner.
Chickens aren't allowed to live in Benton and the rooster was turned over to the owner only after he promised to find it a new home in the country.

Oh, the horror! First of all, how is it even possible for a rooster to "confront" a woman and child? Was he armed? Did he want money, or simply bread crumbs? Secondly, how did police officers (plural) have a "brief scuffle" with a rooster? Was this a rooster that was trained in hand-to-beak combat? Did the rooster outweigh the cops by a couple hundred pounds? Why were multiple officers required? Why was there even a scuffle, for God's sake? This sounds suspiciously similar to the Rodney King incident back in 1991.

Hidden-camera photo of the horrid conditions in Benton Federal "Hen-itentiary."

Equally disturbing is the sentence "Chickens aren't allowed to live in Benton." That's just charming. Police law banning chickens from their town? Sounds like fascism to us!!! You know, it's funny that Benton Police claim that chickens aren't allowed in their town - because a quick internet search revealed no less than three chicken restaurants in Benton, Illinois! The proof is in the pudding.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Benton. We hear you loud and clear: If it's fajitas or hot wings, bring on the poultry. But if it's a "troublesome" rooster, you run it out of town. Well, we sincerely hope you enjoy your communism, you degenerate low-life scumbags. Next time we drive through your crap-water, one-horse, po-dunk ghost town, we will not stop and say hello. We are ashamed. The King must be rolling over in his over-sized grave.

Watch out for them foxes.

Our next animal story is downright disturbing. The headline reads "Jogger runs mile with rabid fox locked on her arm."

The headline is disturbing enough, but if you read the details of what happened, it gets worse:

The jogger, a Chino Valley resident, told the Animal Control Officer she was attacked while running a trail around 4:45 P.M. at the base of Granite Mountain. She was about a mile into her run, when she came upon a fox in a clearing adjacent to the trail. The fox did not initially appear aggressive, but as she backed away, he attacked by lunging at her feet. He bit her foot and then started towards her knee, at which time she grabbed him by the neck in an attempt to pull him away. When she did this, the fox bit into her arm and would not release his bite even as she tried to choke him. Assuming the fox was rabid and understanding that containing the animal for testing would be essential, she ran back towards car with the fox still maintaining a bite in her arm. Once at her car, she was able to pull the fox's jaw open, release his grip on her arm, and wrap the fox tightly in a sweatshirt she had been wearing. She threw the fox into the trunk of her car and drove quickly to Yavapai Regional Medical Center.

That's some scary shit right there. A pissed-off squirrel is scary enough, let alone a whoremongering fox from hell, blood-crazed and bent on revenge. Have scary stories taught us nothing? Why do you women continue jogging in the woods alone?

Whatever. This is one of the highest-rated youtube video clips of all time:

Amazing Grace

A clean sweep.

It is official: Barack "and roll" Obama "lama-ding-dong", also known as 'Barry', is the next president of the United States of America.

His victory speech, given in front of a massive crowd in Chicago's Grant Park (which also happens to be the best park in the world), brought people together: Mothers cried for sons who fell in the dust of Iraq, families cried for an end to eight years of struggle, Jesse Jackson cried because Barry finally succeeded at the very task at which he failed, and a nation rejoiced in restored faith in a dying ideal.

The end is the beginning.

In his victory speech, Barry asks if anyone out there still doubts the system. It is a valid question. It is valid because up until yesterday, everyone had their doubts. What kind of normal person would not have had doubts, given what happened back in 2000? America was waiting for the next Katherine Harris to come along and steal the election for the Republicans.

We shan't be blaming them for doubting. But we shall be thanking them for coming out and voting - nobody expected this kind of a turnout, so it is safe to say that the spark has been lit.

Red vs blue.

They came out and they voted. Nobody is suprised that the South voted McCain, and that New England voted Obama. Alaska, Hawaii, West Coast - according to plan. But because of states like Indiana, Iowa, Ohio, and Pennsylvania, the Republicans lost key electoral votes and the Democrats managed to sweep the Great Lakes/Big Ten area. Florida, notorious for the aforementioned clusterfuck back in 2000, proved momentarily contentious.

A statement was made, loudly and proudly. But, although the campaign has ended, the fight is just beginning. If the whole election was a hurdle for Barry Obama, then the next four years will be the remainder of the marathon. It certainly won't be getting any easier.

Have Another One

That's some nice drinkin.

When we read the news today, we found one story that totally violated all laws of common sense and normal thinking. It just doesn't seem like a good idea.

But when we read this next story, we were truly shocked. Apparently, a "normal Australian family" (no need to explain why that one is in quotation marks) was served gelato with human feces in it at a well-known Australian pub. Allegedly, the family was given the gelato after repeatedly asking the staff at the pub to turn down the volume.

Jessica Whyte, the woman whose ice cream was pooed in, described the situation:

Later, this huge bowl of ice-cream arrived at our table as a 'sorry for all the hassle'.There were four scoops including vanilla, chocolate and hazelnut. At the bottom, there appeared to be chocolate. Greedily, I went for it ahead of the kids. Thank heavens I did. The stench, the taste … I spat the food into a napkin and immediately I was sick. There was no doubting what it was. The whole family became hysterical. My poor son screamed at one of their staff: 'You made my mum eat poo.'

Her husband, Stephen, was later approached by the restaurant owner and offered $5000 to keep quiet. His reply: "I think you're missing the point here. My wife and children sat down in your pub and were served a bowl of free ice-cream containing faeces."

While this is yet another shining example of the sparkling class and unquestionable dignity that has long been the trademark of traditional Australian culture, it also reminds us of the gay anthem"Gelato Cioccolato":

Gary Busey Is Nuts

Have you taken your pills, Mr. Busey?

The "...Is Nuts" series has long been a fan favorite here at HPO. This is a recurring theme in which we portray the darker sides of Hollywood celebrities in an effort to bring the unblinking eye of the public spotlight on their borderline insanity (sometimes, it ain't very borderline at all). In the past, we brought you Steven Seagal, Russel Crowe, James Brown, and Tom Cruise. We now bring you Gary Busey.

So, dear readers, once again, here we go.

Exhibit A: Gary Busey suffered severe and permanent brain damage from a motorcycle accident in 1988. Busey, who was not wearing a helmet, "underwent two hours of neurosurgery" following the one-vehicle incident. His wife, who had been with Busey since before their son was born 19 years prior, divorces Busey in 1990. His loving wife, his faithful companion for the better part of a quarter of a century, divorces him within 2 years of his motorcycle accident...

Exhibit B: According to our favorite newspaper (and according to Busey himself), the rock-bottom Gary Busey moment is when he dropped several bags of cocaine on the floor and his dog began rolling around in the shit. Busey, not missing a step, was quick to react, and describes the situation first hand:

And I went in like a crop-duster, with my nose flying first and snorted the cocaine off the dog... Back, butt, side. Not a spot was left. It took me 25 minutes to snort all the cocaine the dog had on her coat. The fringe benefits of this were that the fleas, the dog hair, the mud, and the sweat went in my nose, too. It's not a good flavour coming off the dog.

That's right, everyone, you heard it here first: Gary Busey snorted cocaine off his dog.

Exhibit C: "Tell 'em you're from Tennessee!"

Give us a kiss.

Exhibit D: Gary Busey, pictured above kissing a monkey, eats in the dark. He says he enjoys eating in the dark because it's adventurous: "That's what's so great about eating in the dark. Yeah, I eat a lot. I eat in the dark, I don't know what I'm eating... Exciting. An adventure. A journey. Yeah, life is an adventure. It's a celebration of honoring the truth of yourself."

Why on earth would anybody ever eat in the dark?

Exhibit E: Gary Busey flips out while being interviewed by an eleven year old girl. We would like to highlight the fact that this poor girl is just 11 years old for the love of God:

Apparently, the eleven year old girl didn't take lessons on the proper way of interviewing Gary Busey... Which leads us to Exhibit F!

Exhibit F: How to properly interview Gary Busey.


Exhibit G: Busey is, in a very general sense, deeply psychotic. His perception of reality is very skewed and off-kilter. We could literally go on for years and years discussing this, but that would be a huge waste of time and we don't know if that's such a good idea. Let us put it this way: We are very comfortably saying, without a hint of exaggeration or hyperbole whatsoever, that Gary Busey is by far the craziest and most psychotic individual in the entire history of the whole human race.

Hello, my name is disturbance.

So, while we are perfectly aware that this post has gotten pretty video-heavy, we can't help it. We were scanning the internets for something that would properly represent the essence, the soul, of Gary Busey.

And we think we may have found it.

This clip, entitled "Deep Inside the Mind of Busey", is deep. Very deep. So get ready, because here it comes.

Exhibit H: Deep Inside the Mind of Busey

Conclusion: Gary Busey is, in fact, completely insane.