Back to Back

Again...

For the second day in a row, we found a story on the newswire which clearly demostrates the idiocy of Australians:

CANBERRA, Australia - A man rescued his colleague from the jaws of a crocodile in northern Australia but accidentally shot the unlucky co-worker in the process, police said Wednesday.

The two farmhands were collecting wild crocodile eggs on a riverbank Tuesday in Northern Territory when a crocodile snatched one of them, Jason Green, by the arm, the Northern Territory Police said in a statement.
"The male colleague shot at the crocodile, causing it to let go of the victim's arm, but a further shot hit the victim in the upper right arm," the statement said.
The two men had been collecting eggs to boost the crocodile population at their farm in the northern city of Darwin. Their employer sent a helicopter that flew Green to a Darwin hospital for surgery.
Police Commander Bob Harrison said Green's injuries were not life-threatening.
"He's going to be very sick and sorry and have a very good story to tell," Harrison told Australian Broadcasting Corp. radio.
Police could provide no information about the crocodile's condition.

What a huge surprise! An Australian acccidentally shooting someone? That never happens!

Hey Australians, ever tried actually learning about the basic principles of firearms safety before purchasing guns? Because it sure as shit doesn't sound like it to us. This is two days in a row now that you have shot one of your colleagues. What is going on here? Do they just close their eyes, spin around a few times, and then randomly start pulling the trigger? Is there any thought involved at all?

And then lets look at what they were doing when they got attacked by that crocodile: Stealing crocodile eggs! Now, we here at HPO are definitely not crocodile experts, but we think it's pretty safe to assume that if there's one thing that would piss off a crocodile, it would be stealing its eggs. So, following this line of thinking, shouldn't these Australian morons have been prepared for an angry crocodile to come roaring out of the water as they were raping its nest?

In the meantime, Australia continues its war against natural selection...

Even More Reasons to Hate Australia

Please God make it stop!

So, just when we thought we were out of reasons to hate Australians, this story came through on the wire.

If we understand it correctly, here is pretty much what happened: Some Australian jackass and his drug-addict girlfriend decide to rob a restaurant. They escape with what they think is a bag of cash, but ends up being a bag of bread. They get caught by the cops, but just before they do, the idiot Australian decides to shoot his girlfriend in the hip for good measure!

Seriously, wtf?! How stupid can you Australians be? Were they blindfolded when they robbed this place? Maybe, as a challenge, they did one of those three-legged-race robberies, when they both put on the same pair of pants.

When God created the world, he took a big fat crap on Australia. What an awful place.

Here is the full story:

MELBOURNE, Australia - Two Australian robbers were sentenced Tuesday for their April Fools Day heist at the Cuckoo Restaurant, where they thought they were hauling away a big sack of cash that turned out to be bread rolls.

Benjamin Jorgensen, 38, and his accomplice Donna Hayes, 36, were sentenced in Victorian County Court after pleading guilty to robbing the restaurant in the southern Australian city of Melbourne on April 1 last year.

During the holdup, Jorgensen grabbed what he believed was a bag with the Cuckoo's cash earnings of about $26,000, but later found it was full of bread rolls, the court heard.

He also fired his gun accidentally in the caper, shooting Hayes in the buttocks.

Judge Roland Williams told the robbers they were a "pair of fools," before sentencing Hayes to eight years in prison and Jorgensen to seven.

Earlier this week, defense lawyer Greg Thomas said Jorgensen had been under the influence of drugs at the time, had made a full admission to police and was remorseful, News Ltd. newspapers reported.

These Are The Times Now, People

Tom Cruise has displayed signs of bat-shit craziness before, but this is much, much, much worse than any of that. Can anyone tell us what the hell he's talking about here?

People Are Strange

Ain't that the truth...

There seems like there is no limit to what one can accomplish using the awesome power of the internets. These days, there is a website that satisfies any need you may encounter: Youtube, google, yahoo, blogger, moviepoopshoot.com.

And there are many more. With so many tools at our disposal, there is no limit to what we can do, see, read, learn, or analyze using the internets.

We hear at HPO also use some of the internet's tools to further our own intellects... For example, we track our site traffic down at BraveNet. Thanks to the quality services provided by the good people at BraveNet, we here at HPO can track the number of hits we get a day, and we can even analyze who comes to our site, at what time, and from where.

So, we were reviewing some of these BraveNet reports the other day, when we decided to check how people end up visiting HPO. So, we checked hits from the google search engine that lead visitors to our site, and we learned which keyword searches lead visitors to our site.

Here, dear readers, is a partial list of some of the words people googled which lead them to our site. Some of the keywords are truly disturbing (We remind you that these are ACTUAL KEYWORD SEARCHES performed by REAL PEOPLE which lead them to HPO):

The biggest puddle
Bill Cosby video smoking tree
Puddle pipes
Older hot women nipples
Crushing beer cans with her gigantic boobs
RAINING HOT MEN IN THEIR UNDERWEAR
dougie goes deep
The Smoking Hot Pipes
massage double bay rub n tug
biggest toad
dougie goes deep
video clips of monkey troubles in delhi,India
dougie's going deep tonight
hot box pipes
doug mirabelli going deep
Dougie's going deep tonite
Barking bitch online porn
Belgian horse falls thru ice
Fat man (blogsearch)
Pipes online Britain
Hot pregnant fucker
Indians hate Australia
We hate Australia
Krista Guterman playboy
Pretty hot pipes

While we are proud that anti-Australian rhetoric leads websurfers to our site, we are really quite concerned about the "rub'n tug" and other lewd homo-erotic references. Sure, we may have mentioned Burt Reynolds once or twice, but that does not make HPO a homage to gayity!!!

"Belgian horse falls thru ice" was nice to see, and the numerous references to "Dougie Goin' Deep Tonight" were nice to see, as that was HPO's most popular post ever. By a long shot.

But "barking bitch online porn"?!? What the hell is that all about? We can't really believe that one made the cut... Sure, we blog about dogs, but that search is waaaaay out there. Lot of growing up to do. Completely out of line.

Big Fat Man Has Big Fat Problem

Eating!

A pair of men from Louisiana are furious with a Chinese all-you-can-eat buffet for overcharging them because of their huge size and massive eating ability.

Ricky Labit, and his cousin-in-law Michael Borrelli, were later banned from the Chinese buffet for eating many, many, many pounds of expensive dishes, like crab and frog's legs.

The owner of the Chinese restaurant, who speaks very limited English, allegedly called the 6-foot-3 265-pound Labit "fat."

Labit responded: "I was stunned, that somebody would say something like that. I ain't that fat, I only weigh 277."

Your logic makes sense, fat man. Keep on inhaling those pork chops, you degenerate tub of lard.

Live Pollo

No choice in the city.

The fine City of Chicago has recently considered banning chickens as pets. Chicken-haters everywhere cite the fact that chickens are "noisy, draw rodents and... spread disease."

We here at HPO fully support owning chickens and other flightless birds as pets. They can provide hours of wholesome entertainment, as well as tasty eggs and delicious fillets!

In all seriousness though, why shouldn't people be able to keep live chickens? Are they really that unhealthy? Are they that much more filthy than other pets? Your average dog rolls around in the mud, sticks his face directly into garbage, and probably even eats his own poo from time to time. Most chickens that we have met have been saints compared to the behavior of your average canine.

So why ban only chickens? Are there alterior motives at work here from behind that dark veil of Chicago politics? The answer is: We don't know.

But we do know that many are upset about banning pet chickens, amongst them the fine people down at Backyard Poultry Magazine. This type of crap would not have been tolerated in the days of Oscar de la Pollo.