Monday, October 22, 2007

Yet Another Reason to Hate Australians

Crocodiles are dangerous.
Apparently, the fine country of Australia can't go one week without one of its citizens making a total and complete jackass out of themselves. Here is the latest in a long string of utterly stupifying news stories involving the mental incompetence of Australian citizens:
Austalian swimmer dives head-first into crocodile
Sydney - A tourist who was attacked by a crocodile while swimming in an Australian river was so drunk that he fell asleep at his campsite before going to hospital for treatment, a report said on Friday.
Matt Martin was camping in an area of the northeastern state of Queensland known to be inhabited by crocodiles when he drank what he later described as "half a slab" - or 12 cans of beer.
When he dived into the river at Cow Bay in the topical far north of the state, he landed on a crocodile.
After a brief wrestling match with the reptile, Martin emerged with gashes on his face requiring 40 stitches, The Australian newspaper reported.
Admitting his face was "pretty messed up" when he went back to his campsite, Martin, 35, from Newcastle city north of Sydney, then slept for seven hours before seeking medical help.
His injuries were so bad that when he finally did make it to hospital, he was holding a blanket to his face to stop the bleeding, the newspaper said.
Crocodiles inhabit most of the waterways in northern Australia and although attacks on humans are rare, they are potentially very dangerous and numbers have increased in recent years due to official protection after fears they might be wiped out by hunters.
Wow. We have said many times in the past: "Alcohol and night swimming are not good companions." Great job, drunken Australian construction worker. It takes a true idiot to dive into a river and land, head-first, on a crocodile. Not only are you lucky you survived your drunken midnight swim, but then you unexplainably decide to "sleep it off" and not go to the hospital for twelve hours.

Way to go, Australia. Keep up the good work, you inbred retards.

Here is a video of a cat giving a massage to a dog. We don't know what the hell this means, but we think it's pretty funny.

Get up offa that thang.

As loyal readers of this website will remember, we wrote about James Brown's insanity about a year ago. So we thought to ourselves, "James Brown's insanity is very, very humorous - let's build on that theme."

So, here's a video clip of James Brown doing a TV interview while under the obvious influence of any of a variety of mind-altering substances:

He just doesn't seem to care at all. His care-free attitude is almost admirable. "Assaulting his wife and then firing a gun at the car she was in"?! Holy shit. That is in-fucking-sane.

Now, before you accuse us of bashing James "Mr. Dynamite" Brown, let us clear the slate and say that we here at HPO are big, big, big fans of Mr. Brown's. But the thing is, when someone's insanity is this hilarious, it would be a tremendous waste to not mention it.

Here is a clip of James in his hayday, giving dancing lessons:


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