Real American Hot Pipes

Bye bye brain.

A Hot Pipe is a man... A certain kind of man, that lives his life in a manner consistent with the doctrines of the Pipes. So, in an attempt to create a poor man's HPO Hall of Fame, we proudly introduce the "Real American Hot Pipes". Entry into this elite group is only possible after repeated displays of Pipes Behavior.

• Hunter S. Thompson - Drug abuser, lover of pro football, inspired journalist. For years, he habitually destroyed his physical and mental health in the worst ways possible. He once wrote: "It is all well and good for children and acid freaks to still believe in Santa Claus- but it is still a profoundly morbid day for us working professionals. It is unsettling to know that one out of every twenty people you meet on Xmas will be dead this time next year....Some people can accept this, and some can't. That is why God made whiskey, and also why Wild Turkey comes in $300 shaped canisters during most of the Christmas season."

• Ritchie Davis - 15 year old kid who repeatedly steals buses, and then drives the bus routes and picks up passengers. A testament to the culture and dignity of the working-class man.

• Scott Podsednik - A man who knows the meaning of the word "horsepound."

• Ernest Hemingway - A man who travelled the world, the things he did, he did them because he felt like it. Later in life, full-blown alcoholism took its toll, but Ernie managed to survive two plane crashes before taking a shotgun to his own head.

• Bill Murray

That's it for now. The list will be updated as we see fit. Dear readers, please "pipe" in with suggestions for the list.