Friday, November 17, 2006

Not Learning From Your Mistakes

Panbanisha speaks: "Let me throw poo."
Bonobos are the closest living relative of the human being. Like us, they are great apes. And like us, sometimes they do stupid things. Well, a few weeks ago, we wrote about a story over at some place called "The Great Ape Trust of Iowa," which apparently is some type of research center. Anyways, they had this bonobo there named Panbanisha, who can communicate with people using special message boards. She got in trouble after pulling a fire alarm last month. Well, those idiots down at the Ape Trust never did anything about it, and now Panbanisha has pulled the alarm again.
Twice in two months.
The best part is, these so-called "experts" are now saying that Panbanisha probably pulled the alarm as retalitation for not getting let outside! According to the story, when the alarm was pulled, "I went to check on Pan, and she was sitting there next to it with a smile on her face," said lead scientist Sue Savage.

"Lead scientist"?!?

Well, in that case, great job leading, jackass. Who the hell is running that place? How can this happen twice? They may be smart, but they're still monkeys, you idiots. There's no way on God's green earth that a fire alarm should be in a monkey enclosure anyways.

Baking bagels will be punishable by death.

So a couple months ago, we decided to write an email to the President of Iran through his website. Anyways, after not receiving a response for a long time, we figured that we had been blown off. But then, just a few days ago, we received a reply to our email, which we originally wrote under the pseudonym "Kyle Donovan." Here is the email that we sent to, and the reply we received from, the office of the President of Iran:

Dear Mr. President,

I have two questions for you. 1. Were your comments regarding wiping Israel "off the map" taken out of context? 2. Do you have any other plans for changing women's rights in Iran? Thank you very much for your time.

Kyle Donovan


Dear Kyle Donovan

We received your letter. Regarding your first question,we beg to inform you that the presidents views about zionist regime are reciting some historical facts and attracting the world s attention to their human responsibility for the oppressed people of palestine.Regarding your second question you can refer to the 9th government program reflected in the persian part of presidential site or in the following link

with regard The islamic Republic Of IRAN presidential Site


So, in our opinion, that's a pretty classy move on their part. They probably get hundreds of emails a day, and probably most of them are a lot more important than ours was. Let's be honest, we've been blown off by people a lot less important than the President of Iran (you know who you are, National Hot Dog and Sausage Council).

And, last but not least, one of our readers sent us this link, entitled "How Not To Release a Leopard." We feel it is pretty consistent with the theme of this post.


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