Your Friday Grab-Bag

Where are my pants?

Well, it is Friday, and there seems to be an unusually high number of absurd news stories on the news wire today. So if you're looking for sophisticated humor and quick-witted journalism, you've definitely screwed up and you are here by mistake. But, if your goal is to read something so pointless and depraved that you'll probably be stupider after reading it then you were before, you are in the right place.

Go West, young man.

Before we get started, we would like to note that a friend of HPO, who asked to be identified only as "The Blue Pig", has pointed out that what Materazzi actually said to Zidane was "I fucked your camel."

Our apologies for not posting that sooner.

Moving at the speed of Hot Pipes.

Our first story, brought to you by the good people over at The First Coast News, involves blatant abuse of one of the best foods ever invented. Why couldn't she have hid the needle in a chicken pot pie or a sub sandwich or something? Why tarnish the already-tainted image of the burrito? Hasn't Mexican food suffered enough slander and degredation? Incidentally, we think that we were once served that exact same burrito at a Taco Bell in Yazoo City, Mississippi.

It's a fooking kangaroo.

G'day mate!!! Oh, wait a minute... That's Australia... and this... well, this is only Austria. Shit.

The Bear.

Here is what it's like to live in Idaho. You sit around all day, in the middle of nowhere, eating potatoes and making moonshine, until a 400 lb bear comes crashing through your backyard and threatens your little children, whom you have inexplicably named Brooklyn, Charles, and Cleo.

It's a good thing that the babysitter happened to have her "valid Idaho bear hunting tag" and hunting rifle within reach, or this thing could have gone out of hand. Because when The Bear smells blood, he can be mighty tough to stop.