What Can Hot Pipes Do For You?

There are good ideas, and then there are bad ideas.

If you ever went to a state fair in Texas and wondered why there were so many paramedics there, we got the answer: Congratulations go out to Richard LeFebre, who's gonna have a mean case of the Hot Pipes tonight, for winning the "Jalapeno Eating World Championship" at the State Fair of Texas. LeFebre, who is 62 years old, downed 247 peppers in eight minutes as emergency medical technicians stood by.

He has been dubbed one of the "Four Horsemen of the Esophagus."

28 year-old Chris Huang, who also participated in the contest, ate just 53 peppers and couldn't talk for a couple minutes after the contest. When he regained the power of speech, all he said was "I can't feel my face."

Another poor, defenseless Italian gets his makeup ruined.

Marco Materazzi, the Italian primadonna who was headbutted by Zinedine Zidane at the World Cup in July, has written a book called "What I really Said to Zidane," where he reveals 249 phrases that he might have said to the French star. Materazzi claims that one of the phrases in the book is really what he said to Zidane.

So, taking full advantage of this opportunity for a couple of below-the-belt shots, we here at HPO came up with a list of some of the other things that Materrazi might have said to Zidane just before the headbutt:

• "Your mother's armpits are hairier than my babalones."
• "I thought you guys were gonna surrender when your goalie got his shoe caught in the sprinkler system."
• "So, France's new tanks have 5 gears - one in forward and 4 in reverse."
• "Tell your cousin Mohammed that I like my cous-cous without goat testicles."
• "Look, buddy: Your car was flipped over when I got here. And as for your Grandma, she shouldn't have mouthed off like that."
• "Your armpits look a bit sunburnt."
• "They're building an Olive Garden inside the Eiffel Tower."
• "I heard France planted a bunch of trees on the streets of Paris so that the Germans could parade around in the shade."
• "Can I borrow your eyeliner?"

Let's roll.