Redonkulous

You have the right to remain...

When we were perusing today's newswire just to see what was out there, we came upon a gem of a story. Sometimes, one of these stories comes along that's just absolutely too good to be true - like something out of a bad comedy movie, it is so ridiculous that it simply must be true... Well, this is one of those. We would like to remind you at this time that the following news story is, in fact, completely true and 100% real.

Enjoy, dear readers:

Mexican donkey jailed for ornery behavior

TUXTLA GUTIERREZ, Mexico (AP) — A donkey is doing time in southern Mexico for assault and battery.
The animal was locked up at a local jail that normally holds people for public drunkenness and other disturbances after it bit and kicked two men near a ranch in Chiapas state, police said Monday.
Officer Sinar Gomez said the donkey will remain behind bars until its owner agrees to pay the men's medical bills.
"Around here, if someone commits a crime they are jailed," Gomez said — "no matter who they are."
The owner, Mauro Gutierrez, told The Associated Press he would try to reach a friendly arrangement to pay the men's bills, estimated at US$420 (euro270).
The victims said the donkey bit Genaro Vazquez, 63, in the chest on Sunday and then kicked 52-year-old Andres Hernandez as he tried to come to the rescue, fracturing his ankle.
"All of a sudden, the animal was on top of us like it was rabid," Hernandez said.
Police said it took a half-dozen men to control the enraged burro.
Chiapas police have thrown animals in the slammer before, including a bull that devoured corn crops and destroyed two wooden vending stands in March.
In 2006, a dog was locked up for 12 days after biting someone. His owners were fined US$18.

Let this be a warning to all the other trouble-causing unemployed animals of central Mexico: You are not above the law! Stray dogs, alleycats, turtles, and chickens beware - you freewheeling days of roaming around town like you own the place are over. Justice will be served, and no beast of burden will be spared. This hootin, hollerin, and honky-tonkin' must come to an end.

All of this animal violence has to stop!

In order to protect you, we are including some video clips of some of these animal hooligans in action, so that you know to avoid them when you see them: