Monday, March 17, 2008

Illinois For Breakfast

Breakfast of Champions.

A couple of high-school girls in Virginia found a corn flake that bears a remarkable resemblance to the state of Illinois. To be completely fair, that corn-flake has a bit bigger gut than Illinois actually has in real life. But aside from that, the resemblance is stunning - from the Illinois River groove in the Western part of the flake, to that big pimple-crater lookin' thing in the exact same location as Kankakee.

Regardless, they are offering the flake on ebay, and some complete moron has bid $56 for it.

Why are we calling him a moron? Well, clearly if this person was smart, he would know that $56 can by him any number of fine alcoholic beverages such as Night Train, Thunderbird, or even Iron City Beer (AUTHOR'S NOTE: Please disregard the douchebag holding the bottle of Iron City Beer. His 10-degree hat-tilt, man-earring, and douche-face are all invitations for a donkey-punching. If anyone out there actually knows this piece of crap, please do us all a favor and hit him in the back of the head - HARD. Also, please flush his earring down the nearest toilet. Thank you.)

The girls in Virginia plan on using the profits from the sale of the Illinois-shaped to buy more Frosted Flakes. "We've got to replace the one we've already sold," Melissa McIntire said. "We like cereal."

Right on, high school girls from Virginia. Eat them Frosted Flakes.

Man on the run.

In other news, the extremely technologically-advanced country of Macedonia has recently convicted a bear of theft for stealing some guy's honey:

The taste of honey was just too tempting for a bear in Macedonia, which repeatedly raided a beekeeper's hives.
Now it has a criminal record after a court found it guilty of theft and criminal damage.
But there was an empty dock in the court in the city of Bitola and no handcuffed bear, which was convicted in its absence.
The case was brought by the exasperated beekeeper after a year of trying vainly to protect his beehives.
For a while, he kept the animal away by buying a generator, lighting up the area, and playing thumping Serbian turbo-folk music.
But when the generator ran out of power and the music fell silent, the bear was back and the honey was gone once more.
"It attacked the beehives again," said beekeeper Zoran Kiseloski.
Because the animal had no owner and belonged to a protected species, the court ordered the state to pay for the damage to the hives - around $3,500 (£1,750; 2,238 euros).
The bear, meanwhile, remains at large - somewhere in Macedonia.

And now, some footage of the "peaceful" protests going on in Tibet:


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