Friday, October 05, 2007

Confused Moose Thinks He's a Cow

He looks cute and innocent until he is mercilessly hoofing you to death.

Recently, people have been asking us why we only focus on "pointless animal headlines that result in the reader being stupider than he was before reading them."

Well, we don't know the answer to that. That being said, here is today's meaningless animal news feed:

CANNONBALL, N.D. (AP) — When Beverly and Ernie Fischer gathered up their cattle this fall in Morton County, they rounded up a little more than they expected. We were moving some cattle, and we got a moose," Ernie Fischer said. "He thinks he is a cow," said his wife.
Ernie Fischer said it was difficult to get the young bull moose away from the cattle, and workers put it in a separate corral until it could be released. The moose also broke fences on the ranch 20 miles south of Mandan.
It's not the only such incident in south central North Dakota this year. Emmons County rancher Sam Gross recently reported a lone bull moose in his cattle herd, and a moose also was spotted in a cattle herd in McIntosh County.
Information from: Bismarck Tribune

A word of advice to Beverly and Ernie Fischer: Be careful around them moose, people. What may at first appear to be a clumsy, awkward deer is actually a ruthless killing machine capable of beating the bejesus out of your brain with his hooves and palmate antlers.

Featured in the incredible video above is "Patches, the amazing horse."

That video really makes us feel stupid and worthless. Those guys beat us to the punchline! Why couldn't we think of training a horse to ride in our car, eat cheeseburgers, fetch us beer, answer our telephone, and lay down to sleep in his bedroom? Are we that moronic and mentally inept?

Now, although we regularly contemplate numerous hypothetical situations involving animals, we have never once stopped to consider the fact that a horse can eat cheeseburgers. We just honestly didn't think that horses liked to eat cows. Which makes one wonder whether there are laws against feeding your horse fast food. Because if hamburgers are unhealthy for humans, they gotta be unhealthy for horses, too.

But, then again, if your daily diet consisted of oats, carrots, and sugar cubes, we're pretty sure you would eat a hamburger if only you could, so maybe we shouldn't be so hard on Patches' owners for taking him out to the drive-thru.

Anyways, when we found the video clip on youtube, we read some of the comments below it, and here is one by a guy named "londonrev":

the horse is great, but i'm sure there's probably an x-rated version of this same film.. you can love your horse, just don't 'love' your horse.. Plus feeding him burgers is ridiculous - Mad Cow disease was started by having meat from other animals in the cow's feed, which affected their brain - it's just asking for trouble.


What the hell is wrong with this guy? You see a very intelligent and obviously highly-trained horse like Patches, and you instantly assume that his owners are banging him? Grow up, you human paraquat.

Show a little maturity. Jesus.


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