People From Oregon Are Intelligent
Since we haven't written about Japanese people for a while, we figured we had to make up for lost ground. In Tokyo last week, a hysterical woman charged into the middle of a sumo wrestling ring during a match. Not only did she disrupt the wrestling competition, but she also broke a sacred Japanese religious tradition - no women allowed in the sacred sumo ring.
She was restrained by a referee and one of the giant sumo wrestlers, whose name was Takamisaraki. "It's bad for the heart," said Takamisarki after he successfully "restrained" the woman. "What was the person trying to do while we were wrestling seriously?"
Good question, Takamisaraki. Nobody knows why this woman rushed the arena, but she was later found to be carrying a bunch of fliers that said "Help, bad spirits."
According to sources, ancient Japanese tradition forbids women from entering the sumo ring on the grounds that it is sacred and their presence, considered unclean, would pollute it.
Apparently, following the same train of thought, women have also been banned from entering gold mines or climbing mountains in Japan.
And now, in some more disturbing news, it appears that not only North American birds have been breaking the law recently. Rumors have long been swirling about chickens gangbanging and selling crack-cocaine in Sheboygan, but now we have proof that their European cousins are just as lethal.
Here is real video footage of Sam, the serial shoplifting seagull who has long been terrorizing the streets of Aberdeen, Scotland. A seasoned veteran of the shadowy underworld, Sam the Seagull is no tenderfoot when it comes to stick-ups. Note his cold-blooded technique, cool demeanor, and hesitance when asked questions.
On the streets, he is known as "The Bird Man of Aberdeen," and he is a true criminal.