Sunday, June 17, 2007

Global Warming: Friend or Foe?

Thank god for Jessica Alba.

A while back, we received a letter in our mailbag from one of our readers, and we've procrastinated so long that it's embarassing. So, after much delay, here it is:

OK, so that thing about the toads in Australia reminded me that I saw this great TV show the other day.

Personally, I am getting so pissed off with all this global warming and carbon footprint bullshit. And I have never really believed it or taken any notice. But at the moment, it's all politicians and tree-hugging cunts talk about. And seeing as this is increasing my road tax and putting up the price of plane flights... These cunts are costing me money too!

So this was my opinion before the show and now after seeing it. It appears that all this hype about global warming was made up so that scientists in climate control could obtain grants and more and more people just jumped on the band wagon.

It was a great show McLochness, and I would be really happy if you could mention it on hotpipes.

I dont know where you stand on tree-hugging but it's interesting anyway.

Random rant over.


Well, there are certainly some interesting points to note there, and the Wikipedia article is good reading. So assuming that global warming is a bunch of made-up propaganda, what are the effects for us?

Well, if it means that temperatures are not going to keep increasing, that kind of sucks, because it means we will see a lot less of Jessica Alba prancing around beaches in her never-ending supply of quality swimwear. (Note, for more pictures of Jessica wearing quality swimwear, click here.)

But on the other hand, if global warming is indeed a huge lie, than why have we been led to believe that simple, traditional activities like driving around, leaving the air conditioner on full blast when you leave your house, and smoking are evil and are hurting the planet? Don't we, as humans, have the right to all the speedboats, lawnmowers, and helicopters we want?

What is this world coming to?

A ding dang doo...

But to sum things up, we here at HPO aren't really too concerned with global warming. We try to run this blog in an environmentally-friendly way, but sometimes it just ain't that easy. Besides, there are bigger problems in this world than just global warming.

For example, the fact that we are slowly destroying the world's oceans.

According to our favorite newspaper, the pressure of over-fishing has wiped out an alarming percentage of large marine animals, and in the next 50 years it is very likely that every single fish species that we currently rely on for food will be extinct.

This is scary, seeing as this world is getting more and more crowded, and there will be a whole hell of a lot of people that will be hungry in 50 years.

One scientist says: "There were always places that used to be too deep or dangerous, rough or remote to be fished. But the footprint of fishing has spread to the whole ocean and there's now hardly anywhere in the sea that is less than 2,000m deep that isn't fished."

Goodbye, tuna fish. See you later, salty cod. Hasta la vista, octopus. You had a good run, swordfish. But now it's over, and humans won... Again.

Is it too late? Can the situation be saved? Well, for starters, more of the ocean needs to be protected and designated as non-fishable. 12% of the world's land is environmentally protected, compared to only.006% of the oceans. But likely pushback from commercial fisherman makes any type of legislation difficult, if not impossible.

It's a shitty situation, but we believe that the blame clearly falls, as usual, on the Japanese. Enjoy your sharkfin soup and grilled baby dolphin, you pointy-headed bastards! We hope it tastes really fucking great, because you're slowly and surely destroying the world's oceans, you heartless, greedy devils.

Hello Washington.

But amidst all these ecological discussions, it's easy to forget the things that matter most in the crazy and wasteful world of ours. So enough political arguing and worrying about the future of the human race. Let's get back to more important matters: Jessica Alba and her vast amount of quality swimwear.

Keep up the good work, Alba. From what people have been saying, you're incredibly annoying and you are always a pain in the ass. But keep up the good work, and for the love of God, keep going to the beach.


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