Monday, May 21, 2007

How Far Can It Go?

Next time you're drunk at the zoo, remember this story.
A 400-pound gorilla escaped from it's pen at the Rotterdam zoo, attacking four people during its rampage, until it was shot full of tranquilizer darts and re-captured.
The zoo, packed with people due to wonderful weather and a long holiday weekend, was apparently oblivious to the fact that Bokito, an 11-year old male, could somehow manage to jump the 12-foot moat that surrounded his enclosure.
Boy, did he shock them.
Before you crucify Bokito, dear readers, remember that in situations like this, as usual, the ape is not the one to blame here. Once again, the idiocy of the human being eclipses the limited brainpower of our larger, hairier, great ape cousins, and the truth sets us free:
According to police, "shortly before the attack, children had been throwing stones at the gorilla."
Good job, children. Throw rocks at a huge, incredibly pissed-off silverback gorilla. We can understand feeding hot-dogs to monkeys, but casting stones at a huge ape seems a bit much.

Australia lowers the bar once again.

Just when we thought we had thought of every reason there was to hate Australians, this falls into our lap. When we read the story, we were amused. We liked this guy's balls-to-the-wall approach, and the fact that he was dressed as Captain America and had a burrito in his pants only sweetened the deal. But what really makes this story great is the fact that this man is a doctor. Fuck knows what kind of doctor he is, but we have to imagine some kind of penalty for this behavior.

Courtesy of our friends over at TSG, here is a complete transcript of the police report from the incident:

On 4/21/07, at approximately 2149 hours, I responded to On Taps located at 1212 E Strawbridge Ave in reference to a disturbance. Upon arrival I made contact with victim Julie Bressett who stated the following: While enjoying an evening at On Taps, a doctor, dressed like Captain America, approached Bressett and began talking with her. Bressett stated during the conversation the doctor, later identified as Ray Adamcik, began getting vulgar and reached with his hand between her legs and grabbed her genital area. Bresset's boyfriend immediately saw what was happening and stepped in and grabbed Adamcik. A physical confrontation ensued but was shortly broken up by unknown patrons. Witness Kenneth Tingley stated his girlfriend was approached by Adamcik with a burrito in his hands. He began saying "dirty" things to Bressett and then reached down between her legs and grabbed her vagina. Tingley stated that he immediately shoved him off and ended up in a fight. Bressett and Tingley were waiting outside the bar when police arrived. Because there were so many cartoon characters in the bar at this time, all Captain America's were asked to go outside for a possible identification. Out of the four or so Captain America's outside, Bressett positively identified Adamcik as the person who touoched her. Adamcik was secured and transferred to booking without further incident. Once in booking, Adamcik was searched. He was wearing a Captain America outfit consisting of tights. Adamcik asked to use the bathroom. While Adamcik was using the bathroom, Ofc Cowart observed Adamcik standing near the toilet. Cowart observed what appeared to be contraband. Cowart told Adamcik to step back from the toilet but Adamcik flushed. As the toilet was being flushed, Cowart was able to see a baggy of what appeared to be cannabis and a "joint" in the bowl. Cowart tried to grab the evidence but was unable to before the baggy was flushed. Although the baggy wasn't recovered, Cowart was able to recover the "joint" from the toilet. The "joint" was taken into custody as evidence. Adamcik is being charged with battery, disorderly conduct, possession of cannabis less than 20, and desrtuction (sic) of evidence.


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