Get Yourself A Helmet

Featuring Tom Cruise as the werewolf's butt-buddy.

After we read this story, we felt several conflicting emotions at once: Confusion, amusion, bewilderment, and an intense desire to drink ourselves stupid...

Here's a word of advice, Mr. Werewolf-Man: If you're trying to convince the cops that you are, in fact, a real werewolf, then start acting like a real werewolf.

From what we read in the article, you're not exactly walking around in character, you two-bit petty thief. Real werewolves usually don't walk around with marijuana in their pockets. Real werewolves don't get released from prison, move in with their girlfriends, drink alcohol all the time, and be "often incoherent."

Hell, how many werewolves even have girlfriends?

Not too many, my friends. Not too many.

In our opinion, he should have told the cops he was a Puerto Rican. That, they would've believed. At least it would have explained the foul body odor, excessive facial hair, and general incoherence.

Dr. Ahmadinejad is a kind, reasonable man.

In other news, our favorite hot-headed politician, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, has announced that Iran is developing a special new "Islamic bicycle" for women that helps to hide their bodies from the men-folk.

The new bike "has a cabin which conceals half of the cyclilst's body." Also, according to the designers of the bike, "it would encourage women's sports."

Iran, you've done it again! Nothing can encourage women's sports more than a bike with a huge box around it!!!

Pure genius.

Once again, undeniable proof that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is by far the most insane man since Adolf Hitler, and the fact that he has been mayor of a city, let alone president of a country, is scarier than Barbara Bush bending over in a bikini the most reasonable man on the planet.