Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Flesh Tuxedo

I was just wondering if I could introduce you to my - AAARRRRGH!!!
Today, we have a special treat for you, dear HPO readers. Special HPO correspondent Ophelia Johnson chips in her two cents with a special op-ed piece. It's a horse of a different color, and seeing as we love both horses and colors here at HPO, we figured we had to do it.
Bodybuilders, muscle men, and guys with small penises seeking more impressive physiques are flocking to a newer dysmorphia product. Synthol, an injectable oil produced by various companies but known colloquially as "synthol," binds with the muscle fibres to create a bloated appearance, or instant bulk. (Muscles?) Without any weight training, recipients of the injections can end up with arms larger than their legs.

There's something to be said for fake body parts. Most implants or prosthetics serve at least one purpose, either aesthetically or physically. For instance, breast implants: look good and, depending on whom you ask, feel good. Or a prosthetic leg, which is has an obvious physical advantage that needs no explanation. But these fake-ass synthol-bloated jack asses, much to their oblivion, are accomplishing nothing, which is why this is truly story we at HPO have to label it as a sad, sad case. Senor Jelly arms has neither a physical or aesthetic advantage other than the frightened expression he conjures up from onlookers that only a man who has shoved several fetus heads, a couple of Nerf products and few honeydew melons under his skin could attain. To wit, his muscles seem to be as loose as Paris Hilton's vagina.


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