Tuesday, March 20, 2007

What The Hell Is Wrong With Japan?

Who likes the Hong Kong Fooey?
If you own a zoo, and you're worried that your staff might not know what to do if an animal escapes, a good idea would be to have an animal escape drill, where a mock animal escape is staged, and zoo workers "capture" the "escaped animal." Seems pretty reasonable.
But, when they staged their drill at the Tokyo zoo, during normal zoo hours, the Japanese zoo workers managed to find a way to make the mock escape unreasonable, and they ended up scaring the living bejesus out of a bunch of little kids. Here is a four-photo summary of the escape drill:

Zoo worker in unnecessarily-scary monkey suit pretends to be an escaped orangutan:
Zoo workers pull up in a van and shoot the escaped orangutan with a tranquilizer shotgun:

Guy in monkey suit stages an overly-elaborate death scene, falling to his knees at the end:

Japanese children, thinking they just witnessed the monkey getting killed, are scarred for life:
What is the thought process here? Did they not know that children were gonna be present? Did they not think this would make the children cry? Why couldn't they have waited until the zoo closed? Don't they realize that this is the kind of traumatic childhood experience that turns normal Japanese brains into serial-killer Japanese brains?

Now, the only question is: "Is the horse drunk too?"

Joseph Brill of Albuquerque, NM, was arrested for drunk driving on Thursday. Officers arrested him after he pulled his pickup truck into his driveway, opened the door, and "instead of getting out, he fell out." Right in front of deputies, face down on the driveway. They also found an open beer in his car that was "at least half-empty."

This was Mr. Brill's 28th drunk driving arrest.

We hope she needs a gum job, cuz we'd love to take a look under her hood.

Larry Woodie is a mechanic, and he recently hired a kid from the local high school to work as an assistant in his body shop. Together, the two of them run the shop, which is located out in Oregon. This would, of course, be completely normal and unremarkable, if it wasn't for the fact that Larry is blind and his assistant is deaf.

When asked how they managed to get anything at all done under such circumstances, Mr. Woodie downplayed their disabilities. "This is no different than any other body shop in this state," said Mr. Woodie. "Except that everything takes twice as long, we hardly ever manage to show up to work on time, and we usually end up putting the wrong oil in your car since we can't communicate with each other at all."


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