Thursday, March 08, 2007

Does This Count As A Post?

These things usually end up as baseball gloves or briskets.

A farmer in India began to get alarmed after his chickens started disappearing. But he became even more alarmed when he found out why they were disappearing. It turns out that a one-year-old baby cow (known to its friends as a calf) was eating the chickens in the morning for breakfast.


A baby cow waking up in the morning and eating live chickens. It sounds like something out of a Dolores Montenegro movie. But it's true. And, since cows are sacred in India, we're guessing that the carnivorous cow won't be getting the axe anytime soon.

The farmer's explanation was that the cow "was a tiger in his previous birth." Our explanation for his explanation is that the farmer needs to spend more time farming and less time eating peyote.

Down the well it goes.

Contrary to all common sense and previous empirical evidence, a degree from Duke University may actually be worth paying for (if you buy it for $50 on the corner of Washington and California). Living proof of this is John Cornwell, a recent Duke graduate who built a refrigerator that can actually toss beers across the room at the push of a button.
Mr. Cornwell says that the invention "embodies the college spirit that I didn't want to let go." We hear that. It's pretty much every man's dream to have a remote-control that sends a chilled oat soda flying over to the couch. Plus, it probably scares the shit out of the cat.
Anyways, if you wanna see the superfridge in action, go to John's website and check it out. He's even got a video of it in action. And we take back what we said about that beer for dogs - This refrigerator deserves the next Nobel Prize.
And, in even more alarming news, a 400 pound women gave birth to a healthy baby - without realizing she was pregnant. Two days before the baby was born, the large, large woman went to the hospital compaining of stomach pains. It turns out she was pregnant.
Why didn't she notice the baby, you ask? "He was in the skin and that's why I didn't feel him," says the 39-year-old mother.
This is disturbing on many levels, and raises several questions: Who would impregnate such a landmonster? How could this whale of a woman not realize she was pregnant? And most importantly, who drove the forklift that got her to the hospital?

Time for some real news.

These ridiculous news stories are fun to laugh at, and they are always good for a joke. Monkeys, beer-throwing, dogs, ducks, and donkeys. Women who don't know they are pregnant. But in all seriousness, seeing these kinds of stories in the paper makes you wonder about the journalistic integrity of some of the major news publications.

The janjaweed.

There are many, many newsworthy stories that get very little mention, if any at all. A very, very large amount of people are dying out there every single minute. We've ranted and raved about the horrible stuff that goes on in Iran, Iraq and Jaffna.

But what about all that violence in Sudan? What about the chaos in Eritrea? More importantly, before reading this, did you even know that Eritrea was a country?

Well, it is. It's in Africa.

They kidnap people out there, sometimes they even castrate them. That's kinda bad.


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