Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Amy Winehouse Drinks Responsibly

Winehouse: "Rehab is for wimps."
Amy Winehouse, the "famous singer", is quite a piece of work. To best describe her, one would have to come up with a long list of all the senseless things that she has done in her short life. Since we have neither the patience nor the intent to do so, we will describe her in one sentence: She likes the sauce. In fact, she loves the sauce. This woman makes Dean Martin look reasonably under control, and even Boris Yeltsin would probably pale in comparison.
Let's look at some evidence, shall we?
Thanks to our friends over at TSG, we have obtained a copy of Winehouses's tour rider, which specifies exactly what she needs in her dressing room before all her shows. At the top of the list are 2 bottles of red wine, a case of beer, 40 Marlborough [sic] lights, a bottle of champagne, and a "large bottle of vodka."
Thaaaaaat's right, Amy. Give them fans what they want. You take every last drop of creativity that you can suck out of those bottles, and spew it back out at the people that buy your records, you degenerate.

Amy on the right has just entered showbusiness... Amy on the left has just horsepounded a bottle of Christian Brothers brandy.

Just look at the difference in the two pictures above! On the right is Amy three years ago, on the left is Amy last week. This is raging alcoholism, ladies and gentlemen, of the most helpless and depraved kind. If the fashion statement she is making is supposed to say "homeless vampire prostitute," then we hear her, loud and clear. A pale, skinny, tatooed, washed-up bullseye.

Before you accuse us of unjustly bashing this poor young girl, this wide-eyed victim of showbusiness, this innocent little flower trying to survive in the cruel jungle of the music industry, picture this:

You bought a ticket to one of her shows, expecting the woman on the right to come out on stage and lullaby you with beautiful melodies about blue skies and long, hot summer nights. Instead, something that looks like a Vietnamese hooker's nightmare stumbles out on stage, looking like she spent the night sleeping on the floor of a currency exchange, and doesn't even make it through the opening chorus without running off stage to vomit, and then cancels the concert.


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