Monday, January 01, 2007

A Hot Pipes New Year

A worthy adversary.

While most of us spent this past holiday week at home with family or locked in the drunk-tank, Saddam was busy preparing for his midnight train to Slab City. His ticket was courtesy of the Iraqi people, and as far as dictators are concerned Saddam was no slouch. So it is no surprise for us to see him like this, with his neck twisted at a sharp angle.

But we can't help but think that if Saddam was still alive, he'd be screaming and gestriculating wildly in disagreement of his death penalty. Because when you think about, some other just-as-crazy dictators were allowed to peacefully die of "natural causes" despite abusing their power just as violently.

At least Saddam didn't build a solid-gold statue of himself that rotated so it always faced the sun...

Out of the frying pan.

Ritchie Davis was sentenced last week for stealing that bus and driving the passengers around. The 15 year old will be kept in the State of Florida's fine intervention program since his father is apparently unable to keep the kid from stealing buses. And, as an extra fuck-you, Ritchie's driving priveledges were somehow revoked by the judge, even though Ritchie is too young to have a driver's license.

Soft drugs are for pussies.

In other news, society is reeling in shock after learning that Mike Tyson, star of Punch-Out!!, was arrested and charged with possession of cocaine.

According to the police report that was found by the good people at TSG, Iron Mike was out drunk driving when he almost drive his vehicle right into a County Sherriff's patrol car. The arresting officer immediately recognized Tyson and found three bags of cocaine in his pocket and car.

After performing field sobriety tests on Tyson, the officer claimed that "Mike performed poorly on the One Leg Stand and Walk-and-Turn." Later on, Tyson manfully cracked and admitted to police that he is helplessly addicted to cocaine and uses it whenever he can.

Merry New Year.


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