Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Another Red-Light Nightmare

Borat enjoys drinking fermented horse urine.
At first, the entire nation of Kazakhstan hated Borat and wanted him gone. Now, Premiere Nursultan Nazarbayev himself is using Borat's second-hand publicity to score some economic and political victories for his fine country. In a recent interview, Borat shares some of his feelings.
Q: You traveled to Washington recently, to meet with President Bush. What is your opinion of him?
Borat Sagdiyev: We in Kazakhstan very much admires mighty warlord George Walter Bush. He is a very wise and strong man - but perhaps not as powerful as his father, Barbara.
Q: After seeing your film what do you think outsiders will think of your country of Kazakhstan?
Borat Sagdiyev: That it is modern, civilized nation, where all people are treat well, even the 'strange ones'. Last April we open the Almaty Disability Centre for them - it have over 300 cages for the retards to live in, and public viewing gallery where for 10 tenge you can look on them and for 20, you can throw potatoes. Why not! They like! Kazakhstan is also now very advance in technology, especially in the space races. It our plan by 2010 to put a horse into orbit. So far the elastic band on the catapult has manage to propel the horse to a height of 300 feet. Unfortunately the horse landed on a school. No problem... It was a school for Jews...Great success. 47 crushed. They break fall of horse. He was given medal and a cheque.

Q: What do you consider your best TV-covering, 'til now? Would you like to win a prize for journalism? Borat Sagdiyev: I am hope to win oscar for 'Best Anti Jew Warrior'. I will put next to the medal I receive at 2002 Central Asian Olympics for hitting a gypsy with a potato from 50 metres. It was difficult - he was unchained.

Q: During your cultural learning of America, what has surprised you the most? Is there anything you would like to bring back to your home country? Borat Sagdiyev: I was very surprise to see that women in US and A can drive cars. This dangerous! We say in Kazakhstan that to let a woman drive a car is like to let a monkey fly a plane. We have not allow monkey to do this since the 2003 Astana air crash.

Read the entire interview over at Future Movies. It's pretty damn funny, and almost as Anti-Semitic as Mahmoud.

Bake him away, toys.

So apparently we were a little to critical of that Swedish fire brigade a couple posts ago (by the way, that giant Christmas goat has not been burned down yet and the townspeople are starting to get a little cocky - we don't like it one bit) but now we realize that we may have been a little harsh on them, considering the monumental jag that the Plainfield FD pulled off the other day.

The firemen were too busy lifting weights, watching swimsuit videos, and eating candy necklaces that it took a passerby pounding on the firehouse doors to get them to notice the warehouse next door was burning.

It was right next door! It wasn't across town, or on the other side of the tracks!!! Right next door.

So then, to add insult to injury, since all the firemen are battling the blaze next door, there's nobody left to keep the fire station from burning down. So they had to call in firemen from neighboring towns. Thankfully, nobody got hurt. But let's hope these guys are a little quicker next time.

Nice camel.

Turkish airport staff have been in hot water recently after sacrificing a camel at Turkey's busiest airport. Apparently, the maintenance crew had serviced a bunch of planes ahead of schedule, so they decided to bring in a camel and sacrifice it on the tarmac.

After being sacrificed by the maintenance guys, the camel was chopped up and the meat was divided amongst the men. This comes just weeks after Turkish Airlines was admitted into Lufthansa's "Star Alliance" of airline carriers, which makes you wonder which one of those executives is gonna get fired for this cute little display.

HPO could not confirm whether or not Zinedine Zidane was present at the camel ceremony.

Please, please.... Please.

And, finally, our last story of the day involves a brave woman named Kirsten Norman. As reported by our friends over at TSG, Kirsten got some vanity plates made as a tribute to her friend who had died of cancer. However, the incredibly bright and gifted people down at the Virginia DMV decided that her plates were "profane, obscene, or vulgar in nature", and kindly informed Kirsten that they weren't her plates anymore.

Well, Kristen refused to tolerate any of the Commonwealth of Virginia's shit, and decided to write them back a pretty damn fine fuck-you letter. Please read it. It is a very moving piece of literature.

Fight the man, Kirsten. Don't let those pirates rob you. And now, to sum up the post, here is a video of a dog skateboarding:


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