Monday, October 23, 2006

A Gross Misappropriation of Power

The rod up this man's butt must have a rod up its butt.
While we usually adhere to the old "let a sleeping dog lie" policy here at HPO, a combination of personal sympathy, an explosion of reader mail, and several sleepless nights have forced us to comment on this matter again.
In case you missed it, the King of Spain murdered a drunken bear in Russia a few months back, and is not man enough to own up to his idiocies and admit to it. With the bear conveniently out of his way, King Juan Carlos Alfonso Victor Maria etc etc(he has about 20 names, including several for girls) is denying the whole affair.
The Russian bear, named Mitrofan, was described by witnesses as "very good-natured" and "joyful." He was a bear that lived at a holiday resort and entertained children. This was no rabid grizzly who bit people's heads off - he was a teddy bear.
Oh, the horror!!! A pompous blue-noser like King Juan Carlos, who has never worked a day in his life and may actually be the Antichrist, wanted to look all high and mighty on his hunting trip in the Russian wilderness, so they took poor Mitrofan, "generously fed him vodka mixed with honey and pushed him into a field," and waited till the King of Spain put a bullet in the bear's head.
"Naturally, a heavy, drunken animal became an easy target. His Highness Juan Carlos took Mitrofan out with one shot," said one Russian official.
Clearly, the King of Spain knows a lot about firearm safety and gun etiquette, seeing as he shot and killed his brother when he was 18 years old. And right now, this very moment, he's probably getting chauffered around in his brand new Maybach, drinking tea-and-crumpets and planning his next cold-blooded murder of an inebriated animal.

France vs Japan, Round 2: This time, it's personal.

We're not exactly sure if this is a bad sign for the French, or if this a bad sign for the Japanese; but whichever way you cut it, it ain't pretty. See, we here at HPO always thought that "Paris Syndrome" involved handing over the keys to your house to a bunch of Germans in funny hats, but it turns out we were wrong.

Apparently, Japanese people are so fragile that a lot of them are returning from France with serious psychological problems. And, even more surprisingly, this has nothing to do with the lack of hygiene amongst French women.

Japanese tourists come to France with visions of a beautiful country, one full of taste, culture and manners; a land of true beauty. They come from a rigid, structured Eastern society. They expect certain cultural norms when they arrive in a country which is marketed as a haven of good behavior and high-class service.

But, when these Japanese tourists get a whiff of the ignorant, self-proclaiming attitude that is as prevalent on the streets of Paris as foul body odor, they lose their minds and go insane.

That, my friends, is Paris Syndrome. If you're Japanese, do yourself a favor and stay away from France.


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