Detroit: Worst Place Ever

Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

It's been a while since we've commented on Evo Morales, everyone's favorite cocaine-farming, opposition-murdering, democracy-hating South American leader. He's in the news again, this time because Bolivia is making a push for the non-permanent UN security council seat to be vacated by Argentina. Why is Bolivia doing this? Well, since that twisted Venezuelan dictator, Hugo Chavez, couldn't beat Guatemala in the security council votes (he alleges that there's an American conspiracy against him), he has decided to support his snow-blowing Indian buddy, Evo.

What the hell is going on with South American politics? It just seem like these guys meet up, starting snorting cocaine like it's going out of style, and then make the rest up as they go along. Has it always been like this? When do they plan on stopping? Will one of their heads simply explode from all the vicious drug use and mind-bending circular logic?

Scary.

In the neverending battle between longtime rivals Detroit and Common Sense, D-Town notched another big victory recently. Of all the things that people are having sex with these days, mannequins have to be one of the scariest.

Blame Canada.

In a clear-cut case of the American judicial system making the rules up as they go, a Buffalo man was sentenced to "three years in Canada" for having sexual relations with one of his 15-year-old (female) students. In our opinion, this isn't really all that bad, you know...

AT LEAST HE WASN'T BANGING A MANNEQUIN OR A HORSE FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!!!

Of course, the judicial system forgot to mention all this to Canada, who is shocked and appalled that this type of thing would even happen. The judge that sentenced the man was, fittingly, not answering telephone calls. Now, Canada is saying they might deport the man as an "extra fuck-you", which would technically leave him as a man without a country.

Shit, we would have taken the jail time.