Hit the Road, Pluto
Pluto has been asked by the other 8 planets to leave their little club, and not come back.
"I don't understand," said the smallest ex-planet yesterday. "I never caused any problems, I held my orbit, never got in the way. It ain't easy to fly straight when you have a moon twice as big as your babalones!"
After scientists confirmed that Pluto was not a planet, but a smaller, much more insignificant rock floating through space, everyone wanted a piece. The times have been tough. Pluto, finding little to live for, has turned to self-flagellation and other harmful activities to cope with the emptiness and pain.
However, the other planets seem undisturbed by the occurence. "We never liked Pluto anyways," said Neptune, "with that annoying little moon of his, and his cock-eyed orbit. "
Mercury seemed confused. When asked about Pluto's dismissal, Mercury responded, "Pluto was always my favorite planet. Ever since I was a kid! I mean, he had class... To be his size, and to take all the shit that he took - his balls gotta be at least as big as Saturn's."
Jupiter was more concise: "Fuck pluto. Fuck him and the horse he rode in on," said the gas giant.
Numerous unconfirmed reports show that Pluto is taking the dismissal rather hard. His new friends are not exactly high-class citizens, and none of them have any rings like his old buddies. Reports of drunken belligerence and inter-planetary abuse are starting to surface. If things continue to go downhill, Pluto could become suicidal, and jump in front of a comet, or crash himself into the Sun.