Deep in the Hole

Chicken cruelty.

Most Americans spend their Labor Day lazily, happily detached from the regular world and idling in leisurely slow-motion.

Not Stephen and Mary Gray of Cheshire, Oregon. They spent their Labor Day "drinking while they did yard work" for "much of the day." Well, the harmless inebriated gardening soon turned to a drunken argument. Somehow, during all the commotion, Mary's pet chicken managed to get its head blown off by a .44-calibre handgun that Stephen happened to be holding.

"We don't know if it was an accident or if it was on purpose," Sgt. Clint Riley said. "It depends who you ask."

Mary responded to the death of her pet by grabbing a rifle of her own, and putting a slug in her husband's shoulder. Now, we all know what happens when you combine one chicken, a handgun, a rifle, and an afternoon of drunken gardening.

Mayor McCheese.

Our favorite McDonaldland character was without a doubt Mayor McCheese. While it is true that he was a lousy mayor who never really accomplished anything during his long, long time in office, and that he had a high girlie voice, he was always our favorite. Then, they sued him, saying he looked too much like H.R. Pufnstuf.

While the Mayor never caught the Hamburgler, but then again, his head was a giant cheeseburger, which is definitely a good thing. Plus, his bodyguard was Officer Big Mac, who was also pretty cool. Anyways, we found out a lot about Mayor McCheese after reading his biography.

And, to close out the post, a reminder about how fucking crazy Tom Cruise is: