The Lion Sleeps Tonight...

Dogs can't drive very well.

Yesterday, in China, a woman identified only as "Li" decided to give her dog driving lessons in her car.

After reading the story, we weren't really shocked. Of course the dog is gonna crash the damn car. Humans are bad at chasing rabbits; dogs are bad at driving automobiles. It's just the way life works.

And, in what can only be called a total embarassment to legitimate journalism everywhere, about one-third of the 143 newspapers that ran this story in English world-wide used the line "you can't teach an old dog new tricks."

Be original, people. You're supposed to be professionals.

The dog was not injured in the accident.

Goulet.

Now, after softening you readers up with all that lowbrow humor, it is time to move on to a more serious topic: Network neutrality.

Network neutrality is an idea that basically states that a user of the internet should be able to select what they want to use the internet for (as long as it is legal and not harmful to the network) at any time they want.

Seems fair, right? You get to pick what you want to watch, when you want to.

But, the telecom giants (AT&T, ComCast, Verizon) don't want it like that. They want control of the digital highways that transfer information that passes through the internet, selling out to the highest bidder. The websites that will pay these companies the big bucks will be riding the internet expressways, while those who don't pay will be left in the gutter. They will decide what you get to watch.

Does this sound familiar?

They had something like this in Russia once..... what was it called? Oh, yeah.... COMMUNISM!!!

Example: Goole pays ComCast $50 million, but yahoo pays them $100 million. Comcast, as a service provider, makes yahoo.com load at fast speeds, but makes google.com load very slowly, or perhaps not at all.

Be careful with these pipes; they're very hot.

Right now, the lion is asleep. Lobbying is currently going on in Congress, so it's anyone's guess as to how this will all pan out. No danger yet. But, when that lion wakes up, it's hard to tell who will be eaten. We're not experts on this problem, but it sure as shit seems pretty un-American. The internet is supposed to be a shining beacon of freedom and expressive autonomy, a means to unite the world through one common medium.

Hell, H.G. Wells even predicted the internet back in 1942; except he called it the "world mind." If that lion wakes up, it would be a total, utter, disaster; a dark day for the future of the internet.