Thursday, August 17, 2006

Jagging Around

Jose was traded by the A's for 2 pocket flashlights and some candy.
One of our readers, "Penis" Stanley, sent in a request. So here we go...
Jose Canseco, the man who claims to have met his 2nd wife at Hooters, recently reincarnated his professional baseball career by signing with a contract with the San Diego Surf Dawgs, whose mascot looks suspiciously like Scrappy-Doo after a few years of drinking malt liquor, begging for change, and sleeping in a garbage truck.
Canseco only agreed to the contract after it included clauses that stipulated that he would be able to pitch, and throw his knuckleball. As ridiculous as this may sound, Canseco actually pitched an inning with the Rangers back in 1993. As you can guess, it wasn't pretty.
To illustrate his pitching ability (or lack thereof), here is a clip of him warming up:

That knuckle ball isn't exactly kissing twine.

In the end, the club agreed and signed Canseco, but after playing just one game for them, Jose demanded a trade. According to the article, he "found out today... that he had family responsibilities" and had to move to LA because of them.

Canseco shows his infamous "Cuban pelvis thrust" to another unfortunate AL ump.

Canseco ended up getting traded to the Chico Outlaws, and made a noisy entrance in Chico, California. After being selected to the GBL All-Star game, Jose proceeded to win the home run derby before the game. After winning the derby, he claimed that he would use the $250 cash prize on his teammates, promising "to take these guys out and get them drunk."

Sure enough, about 3 hours after the game ended, Jose was apprehended by police after arguing with some woman in a sleazy motel hallway (Note: We here at HPO cannot actually confirm that the motel was sleazy, but since it's Canseco, we've decided to give him the benefit of the doubt). Read all about it in this great article, along with a synopsis of Jose's questionable past.

And, to end this post in a manner consistent with what we believe Jose Canseco is all about, here is a video of him crushing a foul ball off the lights, then getting beaned by a pitch.



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