Thursday, August 03, 2006

Hindsight is 20/20

He ain't nothin' but a hound dog.

This one comes straight out of the "we should've seen that one coming" file. As reported by the AP, on Tuesday night, in England, a Doberman pinscher who was a guard dog at a teddy bear museum flipped out and ate 100 of the rare, valuable bears that were housed there.

They actually got a Doberman to guard a teddy bear museum, and thought that it was a good idea.

"He just went berserk," said Daniel Medley, manager of the museum.

The Doberman, named Barney, was appointed by the insurance company to guard the bears. One of the bears that he ate once belonged to Elvis Presley, and was valued at around $75,000.

The King must be rolling in his grave.

Elvis's bear, named Mabel, died a most violent death. It had its head and limbs ripped off by Barney in a fit of rage that the Doberman rarely, if ever, displayed. After it was over, there was fluffy stuffing and little teddy bear eyes everywhere.

"I've spoken to the bear's owner and he is not very pleased at all," said Medley.

The museum's security guard, Greg West, claims he spent "several minutes chasing Barney before wrestling the dog to the ground."

Apparently, Barney received his walking papers as a result of his violent behavior, and will be replaced by a Jack Russell terrier.

But, can you really blame Barney? Aren't dogs supposed to chew up teddy bears? If you put any dog in a teddy bear museum, wouldn't this happen? We here at HPO honestly hope that a couple of those fucks down at the insurance company get fired along with Barney, for coming up with this hair-brained scheme. A few near-sighted horse's-asses come up with a bonehead idea, a perfectly good guard dog is out on the street because of it, and people like you have to suffer through reading this Looney Toons story because of it.

It's like a bad cartoon. It really, truly, is.


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