Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Have Another One, Swayze

Everybody remembers Mel Gibson's little run-in with the law back in July, right?
It wasn't Gibsons first. Back in 1992, when asked his opinion on gay people, Gibson said, "They take it up the ass." When asked by the gay public to apologize for these comments, Gibson said, "I'll apologize when hell freezes over. They can fuck off."
Well, HPO has learned that recently, none other than Patrick Swayze has come to Mel's defense, serving as a charachter witness in vouching for Gibson's sanity amidst accusations of anti-Semitism and alcohol-abuse.
As it turns out, Swayze himself has had some dubious run-ins with the law, one of them being so ludicrous that we had to share it with you. The information comes courtesy of our friends at TSG.
Here's how it went down, according to Patrick Swayze:
Patrick Swayze, piloting his own private plane, took off from Van Nuys airport in California in the early hours of June 1, 2000, on a short flight to his ranch in Las Vegas, New Mexico. Flying along at 13,000 feet, his plane had a "pressurization problem," forcing Swayze to make an emergency landing on a runway he conveniently saw below him. Problem was, he noticed people on the "runway," which was actually a street, and the plane crashed into a couple light poles and a stop sign. After checking to make sure his two dogs were OK, Swayze hitched a ride to a hotel, and contacted the police 12 hours later. He didn't stay at the scene of the crash because he didn't want to create a spectacle out of the whole thing.
Ok... makes sense.
Swayze likes the sauce.
But, according to the written testimony of four witnesses who were part of a construction crew working on the "runway," this is how it actually happened:
A small plane made a reckless, out-of-control landing on the street, nearly hitting their truck as it screamed past them, ripping part of its wing off before skidding to a stop. One of the construction workers noticed the dogs walking around outside the plane, so he went to go check on the pilot. Swayze, who was "pacing back and forth in the airplane," seemed unaware that he hadn't landed at an airport, claiming that he "lands here almost every other day." The witness noticed that Swayze's "eyes were bloodshot and his speech was slurred."
To put it mildly, Swayze was shit-faced: The red, red wine had taken control of his mind and his brain was swimming with alcohol.
Swayze bought Lite because they were out of Schmitt's Gay.
After asking if "the wildfires had reached his ranch yet," Patrick Swayze was told that he was not, in fact, even in New Mexico. Upon hearing this, Swayze pulls a 30-rack of warm Miller Lite out of the plane and asks the construction worker to get rid of it. Then, Swayze pulls a half bottle of wine out of the plane and asks the construction worker to hide that, too.
Swayze then demands a ride from one of the construction workers, avoiding authorities for 12 hours until he sobered up. Then, he made up a bunch of lies to cover his ass because he thought "his wife was going to be very upset." He has the construction workers provide false stories to the police, which eventually were exposed.
When the police asked them what they did with the beer, the contruction worker said that "he and his crew drank it the next day."
The empty bottle of wine?
"On my mantle," he said.


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