Thursday, August 03, 2006

Hail to the Chimp, Part 3

Shattered dreams.
In a most shocking turn of events, Mikey, the chimp who was to participate in this year's World Series of Poker Tournament, was informed by owners of the Harrah's Casino that he would not be able to participate in the event. With his tournament hopes shattered and his dreams of an early retirement in ape luxury up in smoke, Mikey was about as physically, emotionally, and psychologically crushed as primate can be. All of this information we received from Mikey's sponsors in our mailbag.
Professional players did not understand why Mikey couldn't play. Poker pro Marcel "the Flying Dutchman" Luske was quoted as saying the following:
Mikey played quite a few good hands. After looking at his cards, he knew he didn't want to bet because he had a bad hand. He was more well behaved that a lot of other monkeys I've played against at these tournaments.

Upon hearing the news that he couldn't compete, Mikey was flown to Walla Walla, Washington, aboard his luxurious private jet. After the plane touched down, a dejected Mikey was seen on the tarmac, "jumping up and down repeatedly" in one spot. But, shortly after entering the airport terminal, Mikey disappeared. After an extensive search, the chimpanzee was located in the handicapped stall of the women's restroom, where he had spent two hours eating onions and drinking a bottle of wine.

Despite his inability to compete in the tournament, and his drunken rampage in the airport, Mikey will not be fired. According to, the company will stand behind Mikey and support him in every way. We will keep Mikey in out thoughts and prayers.


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