Friday, July 21, 2006

You Can Put it on the Board...YESSS!!!


In light of all the recent scuttlebutt surrounding Barry Bonds' potential indictment, we here at Hot Pipes have decided to profile another American baseball hero who has admitted to cheating, the old-fashioned way.
Ken "Hawk" Harrelson, current play-by-play announcer for the Chicago White Sox and the man who once rode a mule onto the field of a Kansas City Athletics game; confessed during a broadcast that he used a corked bat during the 1968 season, the year he led the American League in runs batted in for the Boston Red Sox. Harrelson is a huge proponent of the use of deception in baseball, once advocating sign stealing by stating "Do you want to be a gentleman farmer, or do you want to be a street fighter trying to win the game?" Well, it's hard to argue with that kind of air-tight logic, and frankly, we applaud him for his honesty and integrity.

So, c'mon Barry, if the man who invented the batting glove can admit to cheating, why can't you?

While the debate about steroid use in baseball rages on (no pun intended), we would just like to say, and we don't think we're alone here, that we hope those fucks down at the league office clean up this mess, so we can all move on with our lives.

Also, just to give those of you out there who aren't familiar with "The Hawk" some insight into his character, here is one of our favorite exchanges between him and his partner, Darrin Jackson.

Hawk: There's Russell Crowe. Gladiator was a great movie.

DJ: So was Mystery Alaska, I told you about that movie.

Hawk: Yeah. I haven't seen it.

DJ: Well those are my two favorite Russell Crowe movies.

Hawk: My all-time favorite is still.... ET

DJ: He wasn't in that!

Hawk: So? It's still my favorite.

DJ: Can you do an ET impression?

Hawk: No.

DJ: I can.

Hawk: Okay.

DJ: ET Phone Home, ET Phone Home.

Hawk: (silence)

DJ: Did you see my finger light up?

: I'll show you a finger.


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