Ausmus Busts Slump

Idiocy in progress.

Everybody's favorite imbecile Texan, George W. Bush, was on a PR trip to the best city in the world, Chicago, a few days ago. He got his press conference off to a very classy start indeed with this golden quote, provided by the good folks over at dubyaspeak:

There's a lot of issues that I'm sure we'll be talking about today -- North Korea and Iran, hopefully the Middle East, maybe some local issues here in Chicago. It's my honor to be here. Thank you for coming. And now I'll start answering some questions, starting with one of the senior members of the press corps -- are you over 60? You look like you're about 65. Anyway, go ahead.

Yee-haw.

We still don't know why he's smiling.

In a move that would make Mark Grace proud, Astros catcher Brad Ausmus apparently spent his Fourth of July on a hogging spree, because on July 5th he finally broke out of an 0-for-40 slump at the plate. This is a team record for non-pitchers, people. That's really, really bad.

Ausmus says he plans to celebrate by shitting his bed, getting mugged, crashing his Porshe, and getting his pants caught in an escalator.