Saturday, May 13, 2006

Bellhorn's Big Night

Bellhorn's been struggling ever since deciding to "slow his bat down."
On Wednesday night, Mark Bellhorn of the San Diego Fathers earned himself a hallowed Golden Sombrero. We believe it is the first Golden Sombrero of the 2006 MLB season (if anyone knows of any others, please let us know). For those of you who do not know what a Golden Sombrero is, we shall explain.
If, in a baseball game, you get four plate appearances, and stike out four times, that is a Golden Sombrero.
OK, so just how bad is a Golden Sombrero? Well, in Formula-1 terms, it's the equivalent of your car blowing up before you leave the starting grid. In the NFL, it's like returning your own punt for negative yardage. In boxing, I guess the only equivalent would be knocking yourself out in the first round somehow.
To put it mildly, a Golden Sombrero is not an easy thing to achieve. Yet, somehow, Bellhorn pulled it off. He struck out 3 times swinging, but also changed gears by getting one backwards K, just to keep the pitchers honest. Bellhorn is a switch-hitter who hits lefties much better than he does righties, yet somehow he was struck out by left-hander Chris Capuano 3 times, and by southpaw Jorge "George" de la Rosa once. Hell, even Chan-Ho Park had a hit off Capuano in that ballgame.


In other news, rock-and-roll dinosaur Keith Richards successfully underwent brain surgery on Thursday in New Zealand after "falling out of a coconut tree." Apparently, the 62-year old was picking coconuts in Fiji when he lost his footing and went down hard.

Now, climbing a coconut tree is fairly difficult, especially when barefoot, because those trees have a nasty tendency of cutting your feet to pieces, and walking on sand with open wounds on the bottoms of your feet is probably not best practice. We know from experience. But the Stones are on a world tour, for Christ's sake, and their aging guitarist is climbing palm trees.

We wish Mr. Richards a healthy recovery.


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