Rocking and Rolling

Thome takes fastballs and deposits them in the cheap seats like it's his job.

Kenny, you are a genius. Sure, you looked at us funny when we gave you a standing ovation in that parking lot across the street from Wrigley before the Cubs-Sox game last year while you were doing that interview with The Score, but we forgive you. Looking back on that moment, I guess we had had a couple too many jack-and-waters.

But they're just so good.

We're still not sure if his first name is "Jonny" or "Johnny."

This guy's having a monster April.

.288 /.422 /.712

If he wasn't on "the team that Pedro Martinez owns", we'd say he has a legit chance at the Triple Crown.

Todd Helton is back on the DL. This time, his tummy hurts.

We like Todd "Nancy Drew" Helton. We genuinely admire him. Our affinity for Helton goes back to those hot, arid East-Central Illinois summer nights of 2003, back when the Pipes were a barnstorming softball team that played hard, partied hard, got injured hard, and never wiped the dirt off their jerseys. When playing that travelling Miken team from Kankakee (bunch of assholes), they had a guy on their team that looked exactly like Todd Helton: Big lefty, with a suspect haircut and a smooth swing. Every single at-bat, he roped a shot down the first base line. Every goddamn time. As each one of those balls rocketed past my head and into the outfield, I remember thinking, "Christ, that guy can mash."

Turns out he was the hitting coach over at Parkland, Juan Acevedo's alma mater.

Other highlights of that game including watching ex-Steeler practice squad QB Billy Proctor hit a ball on to Route 130, and seeing that minor leaguer they had tag up from second base and score on us.