Not the Poor Baby Seals!

Two handfuls of animal rights activism.

Few people know this, but Pamela Anderson is actually from Canada. She became famous by stumbling bass-ackwards into a promotional modeling contract with Labatt's. After that, the rest of the story pretty much writes itself: She gets implants, she takes them out. She does Playboy and Home Improvement. She becomes spokeswoman for the American Liver Foundation, she gets the implants put back in. Then, she contracts Hepatitis from a famous rock star.

Pretty standard, really.

But now, Pam is causing a bug fuss about the slaughtering of baby seals in her native province of British Columbia. Using the clever verbiage for which she is known, Anderson said, "When people think of Canadian Club, they should think of a good whiskey, not jerks beating pups on the ice."

A one-way ticket on the midnight train to Slab City.

Apparently, Canadians haven't thought of a better way to kill baby seals than by clubbing them to pieces with a baseball bat.

Good luck fighting a $15 million-a-year industry, Pam.

God Bless America.

In other news, the biggest airport expansion in American history is happening in Chicago's back yard as we speak. The bulldozers are plowing, the cranes are lifting, and the backhoes are backhoeing. The renovation, scheduled for 7 years and weighing in at $15 billion, is aimed at reducing flight delays, which happen to be O'Hare Airport's strong suit. No other U.S. airport has more of them. The problems with the project are worries that it will drastically exceed its budget, and that it will not reduce delays at all. According to officials, increased capacity will be nullified by many, many new flights.

Oh yeah, and they plan on plowing through a Civil War cemetary to build one of the new runways.