Thursday, April 20, 2006

Curtis Granderson

Curtis is trying very, very hard to not strike out.

We love you, Curtis Granderson. And not just because you have a great name. Whether it's striking out looking with the bases loaded to end the game, misplaying fly balls and turning routine outs into 3-run doubles, or being the only member of the Tigers lineup to not get a hit, you are second-to-none.

Get that man on a Wheaties box ASAP.

This is the Captain of the Wiener Patrol.

Now, every once in a while, we come across something in our mail bag that is just too good to pass up. So, thanks to a HPO reader, we came across a site that has been called by several professors at DePaul University "one of the worst websites on the internet." For a good laugh, take a look at this little gem.

Here are a few observations about Peter Pan's site:

1. The bad grammar, misspelled words, annoying ballerina music, blatant homosexual overtones, and pastel colors really give the site a Spinal Tap atmosphere.

2. Peter Pan handed out "Guest Wands" at his birthday party. First of all, if you have been invited to a party where you know you are going to get a "Guest Wand", do yourself a favor and decline the invitation. If the "Guest Wands" are not advertised on the invitation, and the host of the party surprises you by handing out the "Guest Wands" when you arrive, head for the door and never return. But shame on you for not seeing it coming.

3. This Peter Pan guy is from Tampa Bay, Florida. That shocked the shit out of us, because everybody knows that Tampa Bay is synonymous with "not being a cross-dressing weirdo and going to Guest Wand birthday parties."

4. He did a superb job documenting the various sides of Peter Pan's complex personality, including "Little Lord Fauntleroy" and "Ultimate Glitter Star Fairy."

5. We gotta give it to the guy, he looks pretty good for being 52 years old.

6. Pete's interior decorating skills are surprisingly sub-par for a gay guy. The tacky plush couches, the stale pink carpeting, the mundane Holiday Inn-style lamps? And then there's that weird porcelain elf head he's got on his living room table. Pretty lame, Pan.

That thing is pointy, fellas.

The picture above is a standard-issue M-67 fragmentation grenade.

Thanks to the Houston Chronicle, we found a story from El Salvador which is a little strange... We can't think of a single noun, adverb, or verbjective to describe this. I just feel sorry for the officers that had to physically reach up the 44 year-old woman's hoo-hoo and pull the damn thing out.

El Salvador, you have done it again.


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