Where's the Beef?

Dezaato wa nani ga arimasu ka?

OK, so maybe they were right to brag and boast.

Japan let their sticks do the talking while walloping China 18-2. They went yard thrice, and every single player in their lineup (except for their pinch-hitting catcher) had a hit.

No golden sombreros for Japan.

Now we know we gave Japan a hard time a few days ago, when their cocksure manager guaranteed victory in a very un-Japanese display of hubris and boasting, but they looked good out there. China, meanwhile, was limited to 7 hits. Their star, Lingfeng Sun, was 0-4 (he is still in a WBC funk and people are starting to wonder when he is planning on showing up).

A job well done by the Japanese pitchers, which supposedly were not firing on all cylinders at the The Big Egg on Friday. They are not 100% yet.

A healthy Japan could be a force to be reckoned with, people. Watch out.

Who'd have thought an elephant could be so heavy?

We love Texas. What a great state.

In Waco, which we already know is a haven of normality and average living, a woman inexplicably climbed into an elephant enclosure at the Cameron Park Zoo.

She had to climb over a fence, an 8-foot-high rock wall, and then an electrical wire to get in to the exhibit, which housed 2 extremely pissed-off 6,000 lb African elephants.

Why would she do such a thing, you ask?

Because she wanted to play with them.

Seriously. That's what she said.

The elephants, however, did not seem to want to play with her, and smacked her to the ground instead.

Good work, Yolanda.

Putting things into perspective.

We can't speak for everyone out there, but we sure were glad to hear that Pokey Reese was OK after going missing from the Florida Marlins for 2 days. His agent contacted the team, and confirmed that Pokey was just fine.

Is Pokey gonna get in trouble for this little disappearing act?

Probably not. And that's just fine with us.

When you have the kind of past that Pokey Reese has had, we think it's acceptable to let stuff like this go.

Not exactly all smiles and sunshine.

Somebody stole his enchilada, and he ain't happy about it.

The Tamil Tigers are at it again. After a scary December and January in Sri Lanka, the situation appeared to be getting closer to another ceasefire.

Maybe, just maybe, all-out war and the horrors that come with it could be avoided. Talks in Switzerland went well in February, everyone took a deep breath, tensions eased, and it looked like this whole thing was cooling off.

But sure enough, attacks on Tiger forces by the Sri Lankan military quickly prompted a retaliation from the rebels, and now we could be heading for another civil war.