Sunday, March 11, 2007

Another Empty Bottle

This doesn't look too peaceful, does it?

One thing we have never understood is why organizations such as the United Nations always send in "Peacekeeping Forces" to help restore "peace" to certain war-stricken areas. The blue-helmeted troops are often seen standing around holding machine guns and looking nervous.
Why do they look nervous, you ask?
Because they know that they are about to get shot, that's why.
The latest "peacekeeping" mission is underway, trying to bring "peace" in the eternal clusterfuck known as Somalia, where Uganda has sent a thousand troops as a precursor to a larger African Union force who will attempt to clean up the rebel movement in Moqdishu.
The logic here, of course, is that if you have a place where there is no law and people run around shooting and raping and looting and killing, then a thousand guys with bigger guns and funny blue hats will solve the problem.
This "peacekeeping" mission has pissed off Eritrea in a major way, and Asmara is now telling Africa to "put a leash on that puppy" before full scale war breaks out.
This ain't gonna be pretty.

Your table for one is ready, Mr. Von Douche.
To avoid sounding repetitive, we will only say this one thing about douchebags today: We found a pretty solid website, Check it out if you get a chance, there's some good laughs to be had.
Our personal favorite? Old Number 7.

We feel sorry for this dog.
That fine-looking dog shown above is Jasper, one of "Britain's richest hounds." He lives a life of luxury due to a quarter-million dollar trust fund that he inherited.
A dog... with a trust fund.
Anyways, the reason we feel sorry for Jasper is that his owner, Sir Benjamin Slade, is one of the gayest people on the planet. And Mr. Slade is forcing Jasper, who he claims is "gay", to jump through hoops at gay and lesbian weddings across the country.
Slade explains:
Jasper is always the host with the most when we hold weddings here. But the thing most country homes want most is gay weddings because same-sex customers generally have more money to spend.
Jasper will give us the edge in attracting weddings. For one thing, he is gay himself. He is the perfect best man. He likes cleaning up leftover food, and he will not make any embarrassing speeches. I should add that he has been castrated.
Maybe he would be better off being a bridesmaid, actually.
Whatever you say, you weirdo. Forcing your pets to be gay is kind of creepy. The dog has been castrated, so there's no way he can be sure of the dog's sexual orientation. Besides, we have all seen heterosexual dogs do some pretty perverted shit. Does that mean they're gay? Hardly.

Beijing to cabbies: Take a shower, please!

Beijing's hopes for an olympic bid are in danger due to the awful, awful smells of the taxicabs in the city. Since many cabbies live far outside of town, they often eat, sleep, and smoke in their cabs. As a result, the smell is unbearable, at best.

Experts claim that one-third of the 70,000 taxis in the city are "smelly", and one minister said that "sometimes I could smell an unbearable stink once I got into a cab but was afraid of being so rude as to get out immediately. I had to roll down the windows, regardless of how cold it was outside."

A friend of this website once said that the worst experience of his life was eight hours aboard an Air India flight. He described the smell as "rotten chicken tandoori mixed with soiled britches."

We wonder if these Chinese taxicabs are worse.


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